Email Scam:
From: llucluc@btconnect.com
Subject: PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:08:10 +0100
GOOD DAY.
I don't really know who you are, but peace be unto you as you read this letter. My Instinct tells me that I can trust you by my proposition. I got your contact through Internet directory and My Instinct directed me to send this money to you.
I am a widow and a devoted Christian, my name is Mrs. Linda Lucas from England, married to Christopher Lucas, since my husband died, I have been suffering from arthritics and lately doctors have diagnosed me with terminal cancer which left me with approximately twelve months to live. I am currently on wheelchair and being looked after by a nurse and some of my late husband's relatives in turns.
Before my husband died, he left some money to the tone of Ј2,800,000,00 (Two million, eight hundred thousand Pounds) and he made me promised him that it should be used for humanitarian work, because we have no children and he does not want his brothers to lay hand on it, since they don't believe in God, they have a different vision.
This money is currently in a vault with a deposit company in EUROPE. If you will promise me that you will use this money to achieve the wish of my husband and me, then I will instruct the deposit company to release the funds in your name. Note that I don't speak much due to my illness; I will appreciate if we communicate through email. Reply me through my email address: lindalucas22@hotmail.com for us to discuss so that you can go and claim this money before I die.
May God bless you as you walk in the light and glory.
Thank you.
Yours in Vineyard,
Mrs. Linda Lucas
Email: lindalucas22@hotmail.com
My Reply:
Dear Mrs. Lucas,
Even though I don't really know who you are, my instincts tell me that I can trust you too. You see, I got into a car accident a few months ago and developed psychic abilities after injuring the part of my brain that interferes with psychic message reception.
My doctor said most people have this part switched "on", which causes static on the telepathic "line(s)". But when my head slammed into the dashboard at 70 mph, it somehow switched that part of my brain to the off "station". And now I can clearly hear spirits in my head all the time. Their voices are like beautiful music being played underwater with melodic lyrics about future events. In fact, a few days ago they told me I was going to receive an email about a windfall of money from an Internet stranger. They even mentioned that both your first and last name would start with the same letter. Amazing!
At first I was confused by all this, but my doctor calmly explained that back in caveman times, before our brains "devolved", everyone was able to "tune in" to the "psychic airwaves". This explains how they first learned to use fire and build the wheel. Unfortunately, this eventually lead to the cavemen becoming lazy, since they could see the future and know ahead of time where to stand to avoid dinosaurs and find food. However, in a sick twist of fate, the gene that allowed for psychic abilities also carried the characteristic of extremely tiny phalluses, which eventually caused the adaptation to die off.
That's why I plan to use the money to start a clinic where for a small fee we will do a quick surgical procedure to turn off the psychic interference in people's brains, which has been lying dormant for low these many years. That way everyone can hear the beautiful voices again! Since this is done medically, it would not effect the genes or size of the phallus. I would also use some of the money to lobby the Surgeon General to include this along with circumcision as possible options for parents of newborn babies.
Just now, as I am writing this email, the voices started singing that your husband Chris is watching us from Heaven and that he loves you very much. He is very happy to hear you have cancer, because he says he will get to see you very soon. He also says that you should take the car in to be serviced, because the oil hasn't been changed since he past and your favorite color is purple.
Oh no! The psychic voices just told me that your brother-in-laws are conspiring with your nurse (whose lucky number is 17) to murder you and take the money! You must do exactly what I say or else these Godless heathens will take your husband's money and spend it on freaky fetish porn and abortions! First you must email me a picture of yourself so I can read your psychic vibrations better. Second, you must slip your cancer medication into your nurse's drink. After a week, she will feel sick and have to stay home from work. The nursing agency will send a replacement. Her name will start with a D or T and she will help you get me the money before the old nurse returns. You will only have a few days before the medication will wear off, so please hurry!
Telepathically yours,
Scamtastic
PS - To answer the questions from your next email: Yes. April 23rd, 1972. Orange.
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