Utterly Ridiculous

Email Scam:

Utterly Confidential..‏
From: Anthony Aka (tonycn101@gmail.com)
Sent: Wed 10/29/08 3:02 PM

Hi,

Pardon me for not having the pleasure of knowing your mindset before making you this offer and it is utterly confidential and genuine by virtue of its nature.I write to solicit your assistance in a funds transfer deal involving US$ 3.5M.This fund has been stashed out of the excess profit made last year by my branch office the International Commercial Bank which I am the manager.

I have already submitted an approved end of the year report for the year 2005 to my head office here in Accra-Ghana and they will never know of this excess. I have since then, placed this amount on a Non-Investment Account without a beneficiary.

Upon your response, I will configure your name on our database as holder of the Non-Investment Account. I will then guide you on how to apply to my head office for the Account Closure/ bank-to-bank remittance of the funds to your designated bank account.

If you concur with this proposal, I intend for you to retain 30% of the funds while 70% shall be for me.

Kindly forward your response to: akatony101@verizon.net
Mobile: +233-24-468-5072
With Regards,
Anthony Aka

My Reply:

Tony,

As the Manager, you probably already know I have significant funds in the International Commercial Bank. And I have to say, that as a customer, I am worried that you are just now approving the end of year report for 2005. That’s three years ago!

I also don’t know what it means for a business to have “excess” profit? And why wouldn’t you put the money in an Investment Account? You’re a bank! If you’re not willing to invest your excess profits in yourself, why should anyone else?

I am glad you wrote to me though, as I was charged an extra ATM fee on last month’s statement. If you can please send me a check for the $2.50 ATM fee, I will be happy to assist you with your $3.5M transfer.

I promise to keep my mindset utterly confidential.

By virtue of my nature,
Scamtastic

Year of the Pig

Email Scam:

Subject: info
Date: Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:24:48 +0200
From: s.f.marang@freeler.nl

I AM MR. Yonggi Cho A CITIZEN OF HONG KONG WORKING WITH Hang Seng Bank . I HAVE A BUSINESS PROPOSITION FOR YOU.

PLEASE AND PLEASE DO NOT BE EMBARASED,I AM SEEKING
YOUR ATTENTION TO HELP ME TRANSFER THE SUM OF (Twenty MILLION DOLLARS). If you will be so kind enough to grant me the permission, I will be glad to give the details.MOREOVER, I AM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 40% OF THE TOTAL SUM AS COMPENSATION FOR YOUR EFFORT/INPUT AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT OVERSEAS. PLEASE REPLY AT yonggicho@hotmail.com

My Reply:

Mr. Cho,

I have much respect for the Chinese culture. (I'm bowing now) I'm not one of those troglodites who actually thinks that you eat dogs. In fact, last month I even borrowed a book from the library to learn how to do oragami. Hank, my friend, told me oragami was the Chinese word for multiple orgasms, but I found out it's just folding paper. They are both very relaxing though.

Ever since then, I have submerged myself in the Chinese culture, eating your food like 4 times a week. I love MSG! Hank asked me who in their right mind eats Chinese food two days in a row. I answered about a billion Chinese people! (High five!)

I'm also really impressed by the Chinese work ethic. It's amazing to me that your generals and emperors are able to win wars and build great walls, while still having time to whip up some pretty tasty chicken dishes.

Hopefully, I'll be able to use this money to visit your country and order the best Number 24 with fried rice that I've ever had.

Please and please write back to me and tell me what to do. I promise not to be embarrassed.

Happy year of the Pig!
Scamtastic

Finances In Fetu

Email Scam:

Dear Selected Winner Contact Our Assigned Claims Agent Via Email: winninngesverificationunit@yahoo.com‏
From: Mukherjee, Sushant (sushant@wharton.upenn.edu)
Sent: Mon 9/01/08 5:37 AM

GSM GLOBAL MOBILE Award SWEEPSTAKES PROMOTION.
CALLE CLAUDIO COELLO 41,28001
BARCELONA,SPAIN.
Reference: SP/CN435/663/6
Batch: Gsm/N92/05/ZY369

Congratulations!!!

On behalf of UK)/SPANISH GSM'S Staffs we hereby Congratulates you on your email success in our computer balloting has won you the Sum of €350,000.00 Euros (Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euro) on the ongoing UK/SPANISH GSM PROMOTION held on 26th August 2008. We have been sending this notice to you but this is the last as we are about distributing winnings to winners. The draw was done electronically with several email addresses provided to this office by Microsoft to enhance the utilization of the internet. Your email address was attached to Reference Number SP/CN435/663/6 and was picked as one of the ten winning email addresses which made you one of our winners in the month of August.

This has qualified you to claim the total cash prize Of €350,000.00 Euros (Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euro). Attached to your cash price is a N95 Series 3G Gsm/Nokia mobile phone, and your winning certificate in cash credited to file KTU/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of €3,500,000 Euros shared amongst the first ten (10) lucky winners in this category B. Therefore you do not need to buy ticket to enter for it. Your winnings will be issued to you as soon as you contact our Spanish division for the release of your funds from our claims department.You are advised to contact our claims department via these details: Your winnings will be issued to you as soon as our claims department verify your winning after you might have filled this payment processing form that is below.

Claims Processing Form. (Fill And Send To The Assigned Claims Agent)

Full Name:
Age:
Occupation:
Address:
Phone No.:
Mobile No.:
COUNTRY:
Winning Email Address:

ASSIGNED CLAIMS AGENT: Dr Michael Anderson
E-mail: winninngesverificationunit@yahoo.com
FOR MORE INFO CALL Tel:+34-691-946-039

Note: You are advised to contact ONLY your claims agent in all matters regarding your win. Do not respond to this email as it is only an automated notification to alert you of your winnings. Should there by any change of your email address, please notify your claims agent immediately. Once again, congratulations from us.Quote Your Reference Number as SP/CN435/663/6 when you are filing for your claims. Congratulations once
More from all our members of Staff.

Yours Sincerely
Mrs Mukherjee Sushant.
(Online Promo Co-coordinator).

My Reply:

Dear Dr. Anderson,

Yay! I won some money! So anyway, what kind of doctor are you? Did you get your PhD in lottology or are you an MD? I was just curious, because I've got this nasty mole on my right side a few inches under my arm pit. It's about the size of three large bing cherries. It's starting to freak me out, because it's grown a tooth and is constantly asking me to feed it blood of the innocent. My question for you doctor, is if the mole turns out to be a subsumed twin, do I have to share the money I've won with him? I mean he's already been mooching off me for 30 years, isn't that enough? Please let me know what I should do.

Taciturnly yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

Fund Release Form Fill And Send Via Email To Us For Verification.‏
From: Gsm Mobile Sweepstakes Promo (winninngesverificationunit@yahoo.com)
Sent: Mon 9/01/08 12:41 PM

GSM GLOBAL MOBILE Award SWEEPSTAKES PROMOTION.
CALLE CLAUDIO COELLO 41,28001
BARCELONA,SPAIN.
Reference: SP/CN435/663/6
Batch: Gsm/N92/05/ZY369

Dear: Winner,

PAYMENT SCHEME FORM NOTIFICATION OF PAYMNET.

Good to hear from you regarding the GSM MOBILE SWEEPSTAKES, (Dr. Michael Anderson) the assigned GSM Cash officer. In line with the commemorating event marking our N95 GSM Mobile Anniversary. For our N95 GSM Mobile Anniversary Draws. As you already know, all participants for the online version were selected randomly from the World Wide Web through a computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations and corporate bodies that are listed online and each email address was attached to a ticket number.

Your email address was attached to ticket number: 56475600545188 with lucky Serial number: 21-34-10-12 was selected which automatically makes you one of our lucky winners as part of International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually in Central Europe . And you and nine others emerged lucky winners of €350,000.00 (Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euros) each, from a grand total of €3,500,000.00.You are in order to begin in the transfer process required to fill the form and send back Via mail to us promptly as the information provided by you will aid the quick and protected transfer. As soon as you send us your information through an Email your Winning Fund will be released to you without any delay from our Office.

CLAIMS VERIFICATION / FUND RELEASE FORM

FULL NAME:
FULL ADDRESS:
SEX:
AGE:
OCCUPATION:
TEL:
MOBILE NO:
FAX NO IF ANY:
COUNTRY:
AMOUNT WON:

I await your prompt reply so that necessary steps can be taken to ensure the remittance of your winnings to you in due time. Congratulations once again, please call after receiving this Email.

Regards,
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Michael Anderson
TEL: +34-691-946-039

Copyright ©2008 GSM. All rights reserved.

My Reply 2:

Coming soon...

Thou Art A Rogue

Email Scam:

Attn:
In regards to our Recent Online electronic draw.Be informed that your email attached to Refrence number (NKD-11-20-27-35-44-2-5) has subsequently won you $1,000,000 USD.
For More Details and for Prize Claims,

Contact Sir Alex Webster : webster03@live.com
Tel: +44 7031931577
Congratulations!!
Suhaila(Secretary)
National Lottery Inc.

My Reply:

Sir Alex,

This is a great day! Not only do I get to email my first real knight, but I've also won a million dollars! I'm so excited that I'm genuflecting as I write this! Wouldnst thou perchance lend me the knowledge for what sacred documents I shall procure in order to partake in thee goodly treasure?

Yours in service,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

From: Sir Alex Webster (webster03@live.com)
Sent: Tue 8/05/08 3:25 PM

THE NATIONAL LOTTERY
Abbey Street Lower, Dublin 1, Ireland(Customer Services)
Tel: +44 7031931577

FILL AND RETURN THE B6 FORM DETAILS.

Thanks for your reply. National Lottery Sweepstakes would like to notify you that Your email address attached to Reference Number(NKD-11-20-27-35-44-2-5) was Picked as One Of the Five Winning email Addresses recipients of a cash sum of US$1,000,000.00 in the National Lottery Sweepstakes Draw.

Congratulations for being one of the lucky winners of this year National lottery program. You don't have to purchase a ticket to enter this lottery; your email indicating you as a winner in the lottery programs held by the NATIONAL LOTTERY was received. Your email address was selected through the Computer ballot system drawn from over 25,000,000 company and 40,000,000 individual email addresses, your email address attached to a single ticket was found as one of the lucky email address that emerge from the first category to have won the sum of 1,000,000.00 US$ (One Million Dollars only), the information was passed to you by the lottery coordinator to ensure that we are in contact with the rightful owner of the winning email address to avoid double claiming.

To commence on the processing of your Winning Prize as your claim agent, fill in the details below for the claim B6 application form and send it back to us by email.
Details Required for the B6 Form.

Full Name of Beneficiary:
Contact Address:
Telephone Number:
Fax Number:
Occupation:
Sex:
Age:
Nationality:
City/State:
Marital Status:
Lottery Ref Number:
Ticket Number:
Winner's Email Address:

Provide the Details ASAP.

WINNING INFORMATIONS
Reference Number (NK D- 11-20-27-35-44-2-5),
Serial Number POT-2 1-32-37-49-60-8,
Lucky Numbers 12-5-16-20-9-32,
Batch Number DTK-38-5-13-4 4-18-49
Ticket Number 33-41-73-93-22-11
The Details must be completed and return back to us and the processing of your claim will be completed soonest four and subsequently you will receive the total sum of 1,000,000.00 US$ (One million Dollars only). Good luck.

Best Regards,
SIR ALEX WEBSTER
PAYMENT DIRECTOR
NATIONAL LOTTERY

My Reply 2:

Good Sir Knight,

After reading thy decree, I suspect thou mightest be a black knight, sir. And I do not refer to the Martin Lawrence witchcraft of our Lord's year 2001, but rather the color of thoust cutpurse soul. I thunk to thineself, why wouldst thou King seeth to giveth a lowly rapscallion like thyself such a princely sum? Nay, he wouldnst! Does thou thinketh that thy wokest up so early in the morrow that I wouldnst discover the trickery of such a knave! How darest thou, sir! Thou asketh for thine contact information as if thy werest a tosspot wench who would showest thine undergarments for a piece of fresh cheese. You are a scoundrel and a carbuncle! Now I pray you to leave me be whilst I use this magic box to procure me some paintings of lovely maidens in the privy.

Fare thee well,
Scamtastic

Controversial Treatments

Email Scam:

Greetings,

I am requesting for your assistance in a business transaction. I work as a director of projects in the department of minerals and energy here Pretoria,South Africa. I represent a four member committee vested with the responsibility of contracts evaluation.

We will require you to fill an application form that we shall submit to our country's justice department for the transfer of right and privilege of the former contractor to your name.The actual contract cost has been paid to the original contractor,leaving the balance of the inflated ($27,000,000.00 ) mentioned above which we want to legally obtain approval from the appropriate government authorities and our apex bank for disbursement.

I will give the details of how we intend to proceed, this is a legitimate transaction. You will be paid 15% for your management fees; if I am able to reach terms with you.

If you are interested, please write me back and provide me with your full names, tel/cell numbers and I will provide details. Keep this close to you we are still serving the government.

Regards,

Mr. Ramsey Nkosi.

My Reply:

Mr. Nkosi,

It must be in the stars! You're from Pretoria and I'm suffering from progeria. That's the disease where your body ages at a super accelerated rate. Usually we don't live past the age of 13, but with treatment I've managed to live longer than anyone else. I just celebrated my 19th birthday a few weeks ago and I'm told I don't look a day older than 134.

I could really use the money, because the treatments are very expensive. The medicine is made from a special chemical that is released during a teenage male's first ejaculation. Scientists recently learned that the chemical is stored in the appendix and once released let's the body know that you are now a man. It's also why no matter hard you try you can never make it feel as good as it did the first time. So as you can imagine, it's extremely controversial and costly to extract.

I am very interested in the money, but one of the side effects of the treatment is that it gives me terrible laryngitis. Because of this, I would prefer to do correspond via email rather than over the telephone. The sooner, the better, as every day for me is like six of your human days.

Impatiently yours,
Scamtastic

PS - What minerals and energy do you oversee?

Sloppy Research

Email Scam:

BUSINESS PROPOSAL

Advocate Loyen Van Smith
Loyens & Smith NV.
Fred. Roeskestraat 202,
P.O. Box 71170 1008 AE
Leiden, Netherlands.
Email:barrloyensmith@aim.com
E-mail:loyensmithchambers@yahoo.com

Good day.

I am Advocate Loyen Van Smith,A senior legal practitioner and partner with the Loyens and Smith law Chambers in Leiden Netherland.

I wish to know if we can work together on a very important proposal I am about to introduce to you.

I would like you to stand as the beneficiary to my deceased client Mrs. Rachel Janosik, who made some deposit of Ђ19.700, 000 (Ninety Million Seven Hundred Thousand Euros} with the ING BANK [http://www.ingbank.nl]here in Amsterdam Netherland,Before her demise.

You can visit this web site to confirm my information's to you at ALASKA AIRLINE FLIGHT 261. http://www.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list/

She died without any registered next of kin, Because she moved to the United States Of America years back before this accident,and as such the funds now have an open beneficiary mandate. And the bank has being writing me all this while,Because they recognize me as her lawyer back here, And they have requested I try and locate any of her beneficiary to come for this funds.As that is the policy here in the Netherlands.

For years now I have been unsuccessful in locating any of her relatives and so have decided to seek other means to transfer this fund. I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased. I agree to pay you 30% of the fund as the account owner, 60% would be for me.While we would set aside 10% for settling any expenses we make during this transaction.

I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make at the bank,And with my status covers every other aspect.

So please if you are interested in doing this with me, Do respond to me via my personal Email:barrloyensmith@aim.com,So that I can give you more comprehensive details on what we are to do, And discuss further modalities, On how we can have this funds released and wired into your designated bank account, before my meeting with you for the disbursement of the fund .

Please you need to keep this transaction confidential, Until we have successfully transferred this funds into your designated bank account.

Awaiting your urgent and positive response.

Yours Sincerely.
Advocate Loyen Van Smith

My Reply:

Dear Douchebag,

I followed the link you sent to confirm the identity of your deceased client and I am curious how "Rachel Janosik, 20, of Enumclaw, Washington. Horizon Air food and beverage agent, based in Seattle" would have made a deposit of Ninety Million Seven Hundred Thousand Euros with the ING BANK.

In addition, you claim that your client has no registered next of kin, when a quick search of her name comes up with the following quote from her grieving brother, "'She was really getting into traveling,' said her brother, Matt, 18. 'We just got her a set of luggage for Christmas.'"
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2000/02/01/national/main155348.shtml

I am pretty sure he would be interested hearing about his sister's will, considering she must have been living a secret double life. It's amazing that she worked as an air and food agent in Seattle and also lived in the Netherlands with 97,700,000EU in the bank. Quite a life for a 20-year old. She was probably super spy for the government and the airline job was just a cover.

C’mon, do you really think I’m stupid enough to believe that?! Why don’t you just go pack another bowl of hash and leave the email scams to the professionals. At least the Nigerians have the courtesy to do their research. I mean on the same list of the deceased where you found Rachel Janosik you can find: “Larry Baldridge Jr. of Novato, California, was a savvy businessman taking advantage of the Internet boom. He began to set up a venture capital business with Michael Schwab, the son of legendary brokerage leader Charles Schwab.” Now that is someone who might have deposited a large sum of money in a foreign bank. Sloppy, sloppy work. You’re never going to make it in the scamming industry unless you start to take pride in what you do.

That being said, it is a lot of money, and just in case it’s all true I would be interested in discussing further modalities. Please let me know.

Thanks,

Scamtastic

Federal Bureau of Irony

Email Scam:

Subject: FBI OFFICIAL APPROVAL LETTER From: FBI Seattle Division (steven.dean@fbi.seattle.gov)
Sent: Sun 6/15/08 12:57 PM
Reply-to: efcc-desk@live.com
Federal Bureau of Investigation FBI Seattle Division 1110 Third Avenue Seattle, Washington 98101-2904

Payment Code: R5109176K
Date: June 15, 2008

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has discovered through our intelligence Monitoring Network, that you have an on going transaction with a Financial Institution in Nigeria, as the owner of the said sum $7.5 Million United States Dollar.

Therefore, the FBI Seattle Division in conjunction with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Has screened through our various Monitoring Networks and has been confirmed and notified that the transaction you have with the Financial Institution is Legal and you have the Lawful Right to claim your due fund. We advise you to go ahead with the transaction as we are monitoring all their services and networks.

Be advised that any letter or claims notification received from anybody or company should be forwarded to us with immediate effect. Meanwhile, you are advised to follow the procedure of the Financial Institution. They have their own legal procedure which we have examined and confirmed legal. Follow their instructions while you keep us updated for more details. You are advised to contact the necessary office for more details of transfer as we are monitoring every move now.

Please, be advised and be aware that your funds had been insured and the necessary charges would be taken care of by you, as confirmed by the Monitoring network. For your own good you are advised to confirm any transaction or lottery promo you have either involved yourself with in the past to enable us trace this scammers. Only the Financial Institution has been confirmed Legal any other are still under investigation, and so many others are scam, most especially from Nigeria and Africa.

Contact the EFCC Public Relations Officer Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde with your Payment Code: R5109176K in regards to more details on your funds.

Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde (Public Relations Officer)
Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)
15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos 23401 Nigeria.
Phone: +234 1 213 2126
Fax: +234 1 213 0184
E-mail: efcc-desk@live.com

If you need to contact me at any stage please do not hesitate to call (206) 350-6981.

Sincerely,
Steven M. Dean (Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge)
Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI)

My Reply:

Mr. Lamorde,

It's days like today when I'm reminded just how lucky I am to be an American. I know you are from Nigeria and will never fully understand what it means to love your country, but I am filled with so much pride right now that I could burst. When the Patriot Act was first enacted, my heart swelled with bloody tears of joy, because I knew that even though I was giving up some freedom of privacy, I was gaining the loving embrace that only a faceless government agency could provide. And even then, I thought they'd only monitor emails for terrorist activities. I certainly never, in my wildest dreams, imagined that they'd have the time to screen individual financial opportunities. Even though I've never gotten one, I've heard that most of these emails are scams, but it's comforting to know that the FBI has already taken the trouble to confirm it's legitimacy and legality.

Since I have been pre-approved by my own government, I am prepared to follow all necessary instructions. I'm also glad that they are monitoring this transaction from what I can only assume is a cool bunker somewhere in a secret mountain. (Can I get a tour of the bunker?) Sorry, that was to them.

Please let me know what I need to do to get the money.

So psyched,
Scamtastic

PS - Do you think I have to tip the FBI agent? If so, what is the proper amount?

Scam Reply:

From: Ibrahim Lamorde (efcc-desk@live.com)
Sent: Thu 6/19/08 9:07 AM
Reply-to: barrjamesmichael@live.com
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission 15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos 23401 Nigeria.
LEGALIZATION OF FUND TRANSFER DOCUMENTS
Payment Code: R5109176K

Attention: Scamtastic,

Thank you for contacting the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC).

We acknowledge the receipt of your email forwarded to us by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). However, after thorough verification and scrutiny of your information you have been found qualified to receive the sum of $7,500,000.00 USD (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).

To effect and carry out the directives given, you are advise to stop further communication with any individual or company in regards to this fund as all payment will be carried out through this office, this is to secure your transaction against fraudulent activities.

We shall proceed to conclude the payment process of your fund by opening a claim file for you. As a foriegn beneficiary you will be required to legalize all your documents in order to instruct the Central Bank of Nigeria to credit your account with the sum of $7,500,000.00 USD.

1. TRANSFER APPROVAL CERTIFICATE
2. LEGALIZATION OF NON-RESIDENTIAL DOCUMENTS
However, it is your option to hire a lawyer or an agent to assist you in court. (An agent will not be provided by the court.) This person can sum up the case on your behalf.

Below is the Information of the lawyer to enable you contact him for the process:

SILVERMAN SHERLIKER LLP (Solicitors) Contact person: Barrister James Michael
Telephone: +234 803 223 4921
E-mail: barrjamesmichael@live.com

After the endorsement of your documents and all requirements of the High Court has been provided, your file will be passed across to the Central Bank of Nigeriak and you will be contacted for your fund transfer immediately.

All rights of any client to this claim maybe be denied if the release document is not signed in accordance with the provision of the promotions regulatory Authorities.

If you need to contact me at any stage please do not hesitate to call or send me an e-mail.

Yours in service,
Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde (Public Relations Officer)
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)

My Reply 2:

Mr. Michael,

First off, I just want to thank you for what you are doing. You see, my grandmother recently got swindled by email scammers and lost most of her retirement money. And while there was nothing we could do to get it back from those bastards, the kind people at the EFCC did everything they could to help, and I will always be grateful.

Because of the scam, my family has had to make sacrifices to pay for my grandmother's expensive and unusual medical treatments. This has caused our normal cheery outlook on life to become irrevocably damaged. My grandmother always taught us to stay positive, no matter what life throws at you. But after this incident with the email scam, she has turned into a real "Negative Nancy", cursing like a sailor and complaining that she's living in her own private hell on Earth. It's really bumming us out.

When I received the letter from the FBI, I was relieved to discover that positive energy was coming back into our lives and karma was on our side once again! I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there are many Nigerian "419" crimes on the Interweb, so it's good to know an organization like the EFCC exists, to protect the good citizens of the world from your horrible, horrible people.

I'm sure your country is filled with swindlers and shysters who are just waiting to take an honest, hard-working man's money. So it's also assuring to hear that the EFCC has already pre-approved you as a reputable lawyer. It's nice to know that everything is being taken care of for me, so I don't have to worry. Please tell me what I have to do next. I can't wait to see my grandmother's semi-paralyzed face when she hears about the 7.5 million dollars! Thanks!

Positively yours,
Scamtastic

PS - I know you don't have many rights in your country, but is attorney/client privledge one of them? You see, I have a lot of stuff to get off my chest, but I can't afford a psychiatrist and I'm not Catholic, so I would feel awkward going to confessional. Let me know. Thanks again!

Scam Reply 2:

SILVERMAN SHERLIKER LLP (Solicitors)
ADDRESS: 70 PARK LANE, APAPA, LAGOS, NIGERIA 23401
Telephone: +234 8053369394
E-mail: barrjamesmichael@live.com

Dear Scamtastic,

Your engagement notice refers.

This is to respond to the receipt of an engagement notice; having made preliminary findings on your fund transfer from the Central Bank of Nigeria valued at the sum of $7.5 Million USD. For me to have sufficient mandate and authority to function as your representative probate attorney, I request that you make a non-refundable application fee of $50.00 USD send me the listed information below:

1. Your Name: 2. Address: 3. Occupation: 4. Marital Status: 5. Age: 6. Country: (Present Location) 7. Nationality: 8. Telephone: 9. Fax number: (if any)

As your representative probate attorney, I will have to travel to the High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja to obtain the Transfer Approval Certificate and Legalise your Non-Residential Document on your behalf. The Federal High Court will decide on what it will cost to issue the certificate in your favour. I will let you know the exact amount it will cost you as soon as submit your payment file to the Federal High Court. My willingness to accept your brief, it is essential for us to establish from onset that my travelling allowance including the cost of obtaining the documents from the Federal High Court will be paid by you. Whereas my professional service fee will be paid in full at the end of execution of brief.

As for my professional service fee, by the release of your fund, I will communicate my banking details
for the outright payment of my service fee which is 2% out of the total value of your fund. I will
appreciate your steadfastness so that I can put this brief to rest as soon as possible.

Thanks for your patronage; I am committed to rendering you the best of my professional service.

Yours in service,
Barr. James Michael.

My Reply 3:

Mr. Michael,

Thanks again for taking my case I've had my fair trouble with the law and unfortunately I had to learn the hard way that representing yourself isn't always the best defense. I think I must've seen "A Time To Kill" too many times, because I asked the jury to close their eyes and imagine a girl. Then I described horrible things that a redneck did to her. Then, through tears, I asked them to imagine it was a black girl. I have to say that it didn't go over well, considering I was in court about a traffic ticket. Whoever said that the best defense is being offensive was completely wrong! But just like my grandmother always says, "A frog in the bush is worth two donkeys come winter."

1. Your Name: Scamtastic
2. Address: 178 Very Special Blossom Highway, Queens, NY 11426
3. Occupation: IRS Agent
4. Marital Status: Married with Children (remember the episode where Al didn't want to have sex with Peg? that was my favorite.)
5. Age: 29 for last 9 years (blush)
6. Country: (Present Location) USA (in front of my computer)
7. Nationality: Belgian/French (I'm a Belch!)
8. Telephone: 212-839-3094
9. Fax number: (if any) Seriously?

Before I send the $50, is it possible for you to do me a favor? I know you've been approved by the FBI and EFCC, but I've never done business like this before. And since we both stand to make a lot of money, it would make me feel much better if you sent me a photo of yourself. I've attached my photo to this email, so you'll know who you are representing.

Please send me the photo and the address to where I should mail the $50.

Godspeed,
Scamtastic

PS - What about the attorney/client privilege in Nigeria? Let me know soon. I need to tell you something before it happens again.

(not really me)

Scam Reply 3:

From: Barr James Michael (barrjamesmichael@live.com)
Sent: Wed 7/02/08 2:28 AM

Dear Scamtastic,

Attached to this mail is the info you requested. The $50 application fee should be sent via MoneyGram or Western Union Money Transfer in the name of our cashier Mr. Emmanuel Essien.

NAME OF RECEIVER: EMMANUEL ESSIEN
ADDRESS: 70 PARK LANE, APAPA, LAGOS, NIGERIA 23401
TEXT QUESTION: IN GOD
TEXT ANSWER: WE TRUST

As soon as the money is received I will travel immediately to the High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja to obtain necessary documents on your behalf.

You are to forward to this honorable office via email the pickup information after you have made the payment.

NAME OF SENDER:
ADDRESS:
AMOUNT SENT:
MTCN#: (money transfer control number)

Thanks for your patronage; I am committed to rendering you the best of my professional service.

Yours in service,
Barrister James Michael
My Reply 4:

Mr. Michael,

I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to get back to you. Unfortunately, my grandmother recently past away. She kept telling us that her nurse was beating her, but she's losing it and the nursing home assured us that the bruises were due to her blood disorder. But two weeks ago she suffered a concussion after blow to her head and died. So it turns out that she was right the whole time. I'm sure she's up in Heaven screaming, "I told you so!" At least we know now that she was never actually suffering from Alzheimer's, which is good news cause that shit is hereditary.

Anyway, her death made me start thinking. Do I really need all this money? And after a lot of soul searching I realize I do. She died alone without anyone by her side. And I'm not going to let that happen to me. You've seen my picture. Calling me ugly would be a compliment. So I need every cent I can to make sure that I'm surrounded by a gaggle of hotties when I go. I've been watching the news lately and heard a lot of talk about Muslims having 72 virgins waiting for them in Heaven. Since I'm not Muslim, I've decided to use this money to get 72 virgins while I'm here on Earth. In fact, I even made that the first 72 things on my bucket list. The 73rd is to make peace with my estranged daughter.

The only bad news is that I'm having trouble getting you your $50. My grandmother's funeral wasn't cheap and I'm strapped for cash. I'm trying to borrow it from a friend of mine, but he thinks it's a scam. I told him about being pre-approved by the FBI and EFCC and even showed him your legal certificate, but he's still not budging. He said all that stuff could have been Photoshopped. I told him that you're from Nigeria and would have no idea what that is, and while he agreed with me, he still needs more proof. He said he would lend me all the money I need if you would send me a short video clip of yourself convincing him that you are a real lawyer. Make sure to say a bunch of lawyery-type stuff like "quid pro quo" and "I object!". I believe you, but he's the one with the money. I look forward to seeing your video, so we can finally complete this transaction.

Until next time,
Scamtastic

Obscured Business Suggestion

Email Scam:

Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:50:44 +0100
From: ansi6968@sprintpcs.com
Subject: Reply Urgently

Greetings,

I am Mr. Raymond of Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an obscured business suggestion for you,value of Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only, in my branch. Please, reply to (raymond_67hk@yahoo.com.hk) ASAP for more details.

My Reply:

Mr. Raymond,

I am always interested in getting obscured business suggestions. And I don't even mind that it's only $24,500,000. I only hope that this is ASAP enough for you. Urgently awaiting more details.

Scamtastic

Car Crash Crazy Cash

Email Scam:

From: johnfelixxxx@gmail.com
Subject: Request
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:10:34 -0700

TOTAL CONFIDENCE

Barr. John felix.
Private Email:johnfelixxx@gmail.com
Tel.0034.691.884.524
Fax.0034.911.014.532

ATTN: Sir/Madam

We do not know each other, but you are one of the three persons I sent this email with hope to get a positive and sincere response, in order to go into a deal that would bring life fortune to both of us.

I am Barrister, John felix solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Engr. Morris Haddad nationality of your country, who was a Contractor and has spent most of his life in (Spain).

On the 19th of April 2006, my client, his wife and their only son were involved in a ghastly car accident along Pinto express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to his embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but all efforts was unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you and solicit for your assistance as a foreigner to execute the claim of this fund.

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at US$10.5million left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the BANK in, Madrid Spain where these huge deposits were lodged. The said Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of Kin or have the account confiscated within the next twenty-one Official working days.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the Next of kin to the deceased since no-one has come for the fund, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. The request of a foreigner as the next of kin in this transaction is occasioned by the fact that my client was a foreigner and the money cannot be paid into a local bank here, so it will be better for you to stand as the next of kin to my client. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please reply via e-mail at; johnfelixxx@gmail.com. Waiting to hear from you

Best regards,
BARR. JOHN FELIX

My Reply:

Mr. John Felix,

I'm sorry to hear about your client's ghastly car accident, especially since he was the nationality of my country. I appreciate you going out of your way to contact my embassy to try to find his relatives, since most of the barristers from your country (Spain) would just keep the money for themselves. I definitely prefer the money to be in the hands of an American, because we know how to spend it right...on guns, gas and pussy! However, I am curious how you chose my email address out of the hundreds on the Internet. If your answer pleases me I will give you my bank account information and social security number for the transaction, if not, there may be consequences. I look forward to your response.

Thank you.

Scamtastic

The opposite of bourgeois

Email Scam:

Subject: From Madam Mary Harley
Date: Thu, 29 May 2008 17:56:41 +0100
From: madam_mary@acornexpressservices.co.uk

From Madam Mary Harley
Here writes Mary Harley suffering from cancerous ailment.

When my late behalf was alive he left huge amount of money which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market. Presently, the investment portfolio is still on April this year. Recently, my doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from, so, I decided to contact you due to time limit.

Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen my family, and me I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husband's effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.

It is often said that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do not want my husband hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on. The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husband relatives around me but I will give you telephone number of an attorney that will draft the letter of Introduction and all other legal documents as soon as I hear from you.

I want you to stand as the new beneficiary to the funds. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the firm where the funds are being deposited in Europe.

I will also send you a letter of introduction that will empower you as the new the custodian and beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein.

Please send all emails to my confidential emails below:
madam_mary@live.co.uk
madam_mary@yahoo.cn

And also let me know how soon you will be able to travel to Germany or United Kingdom. Endeavor to send me your names, address, telephone and fax number to enable contact you with more details/all the relevant documents by email/ fax.

My Reply:

Miss Madam Mary Harley,

I apologize that it's taken me so long to get back to you. You didn't say what your time limit was, but hopefully you're still alive. I know after my grandmother had a stroke she had trouble checking her many email addresses, but you seem in good spirits despite your horrific health issues. I myself am a barren-woman, so I would be happy to accept your husband's fortune. While I could try and use some of the money to help find a cure for whatever left me ruined inside, I'll probably just use it to buy myself a down-trodden, orphan baby. That way I'm killing a whole flock of birds with one stone.

My family is the opposite of bourgeois. In fact, my grandfather used to say, "Blessed is the hand that giveth the reach-around." Of course, he was arrested in a man's toilet for trying to give oral treats to an undercover policeman. However, he was later acquitted when it turned out that the officer didn't tell him he was cop, until after he had finished his business down Grandfather's throat. Luckily, Grandpa didn't swallow and spit the evidence in the prosecutor's face, while being cross-examined on the witness stand a week later.

That being said, you don't have to worry about the money being spent on anything ungodly. My late husband was even the Preacher at our church. Our congregation said he handled those poisonous snakes better than anyone they'd ever seen. But then the stupid hospital ended up injecting him with rattlesnake antivenin, when we clearly told them he was bitten by cobras.

Speaking of which, I know you said you're not afraid of death, but maybe you should be. My husband used to say that cancer is God's way of labeling sinners, so you might not want to count your prayers before they hatch. I can't even imagine the things you must've done to warrant a stroke. Either way, your husband's money will be in much better hands, once it's in my hands.

I don't like attorneys, since the one who helped us sue the hospital for malpractice ended up going to Bermuda with all of our winnings. Is there any way that you could empower my son to be a custodian? He could use a good job and likes to clean. I think he has OCD, because he's constantly asking me to clean his sheets. Every morning with the sheets!

While I think you are a nice lady, I don't know if people will want to emulate you, as most of them would prefer to not die of cancer. However, I do promise to act as you have stated herein and I will be prayerful.

I can fly to Germany as soon as you want, as I'm currently dating a pilot who flies for Lufthansa. He's always telling me how nice it is over there, but he also likes when I go number two on his chest, so who knows.

Please contact me with the forms that you need me to fill out, as I would really like your money. I can't stress this enough. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Gently yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

From: madam_mary@live.co.uk
Subject: Dear Scamtastic
Date: Sun, 1 Jun 2008 09:19:17 +0000

Dear Scamtastic

I received your mail. I quite appreciate your readiness, kindness and willingness to assist me accomplish my very last wishes in this world.

I have deliberated on it and agreed to commence with you 100% percent without any reservation.

I assure you that this transaction is risk free and it will not cause us any pains and problem if and only if you act strictly as instructed and let this transaction remain as secret as possible. Before we commence, I will want you to answer the following questions:

1. Will you be able to travel to Hamburg, Germany/London, UK to recieve his funds from the security company and when? Alternatively, can you handle this transaction online banking but you shall bear the related cost or bear the cost of courier.
2. Do you have any proposal to distribute this funds to the less priviledge? and
3. Are your ready and willing to foot your bills to Europe and other expenses as I have suffered this in the past by sending money for expenses and I will not hear from he/she again? And more so, I have exhausted all funds/ avenues to raise funds. I am at the point of death now, so do not let me down.

You have to understand due to the present situation I am now, I will not be able to foot any bill regarding this transaction. So, you shall be reimburse every expenses incured in due course of this transaction. Please answer the questions above so that I can commence this transaction on time. I will send to you all the relevant documents relating to this transaction and the contact details of SECURITY COMPANY.

I cannot use any of my business associates because all my past dealings are being scrutinized by secret agents in a bid to source out our estates and properties. So in the process of this exercise, anyone I’ve had dealings with in the past is being monitored too. I’m presently on a sick bed and the only means of communicating for now is via the internet, so I had to source for help the only way I could, I would rather take chances by involving a total stranger rather than risking it all by using any of my business associates who might be willing to help.

I am presently in India awaiting a magor surgical operation in few days time, so I beg of you to do everything in Godly way for time essence.

Please, you have to keep this transaction very confidential due to the composition of my husband family, I do not want any member of our family to jump on the funds to use it for immaterial things.

You can keep 15% to yourself and distributed the remaining balance of 5Million Pound Sterling to the less privelidge in good faith.

Endeavor to send/ reconfirm your full names, address and telephone number to my attorney and this will enable him refer you for immediate payment.
Here is my attorney contact details below:

CONTACT NAMES: WILLIAMS JADOME
Tel: 44 161 880 0415
Email: williamsjadome@hotmail.com

You are to contact my attorney with the requested information above and this will enable him prepare a letter of Introduction in your names and send you the certificate of Deposit by email before the major surgical operation. This is very important.

Feel free to ask Mr. Willams any question regarding this transaction.

I await your immediate response.

Regards
Madam Mary Harley.

My Reply 2:

Dear Miss Madame Mary Harley,

I am so glad that you are still alive! It's been a rough weekend for me. I have spent many a sleepless night wondering how I was going to spend all of your dead husband's money. I'm happy that you have chosen me 100% without any reservation, because I really wanted 100% of the money. I would also mention that in this country we don't write "% percent". It's redundant. % = equals percent. I guess it's possible you could have a weird stutter brought on by the stroke, but I think I squandered enough of your precious time on Earth with this already.

I really appreciate you wanting to keep this secret, as I owe money to many of my friends. Although, they’ll probably think something’s up when they see my new 24k gold ashtrays. I'll just tell them I won the money at church bingo. Have you ever played bingo at a snake handling church? You never know if people are jumping out of their seats for bingo or if they were just bit by a copperhead. It's so frustrating!

Unfortunately, since our last email I broke up with the pilot from Lufthansa. However, the good news is that we broke up because he caught me with a pilot from British Airways. So I will be able to fly into London as soon as I sleep with him three more times. He's got me on sort of a frequent fuckers program where I'm awarded miles based on my performance in bed. Blowjobs are 1,500 miles. Intercourse is 3,000. Anal is 5,000. And a handjob will get me an inflight meal.

I do want to give some of the money to Charity. She's my daughter and very less priveldge. She left home when was she was 15 and has been working the streets for the past few years to make ends meet. To be honest, we haven't had the best relationship. She claims that my boyfriend at the time was molesting her, but she can't prove it. I asked her to show me evidence and besides some minor swelling, she didn't have any. Everyone knows that you're raped, you save the semen! I know she's seen CSI, so it's partially her fault anyway.

As I've said, getting to London will not be a problem, but staying there could be an issue. The pilot I'm dating talked about setting up a system where I could trade my Mile High Miles ™ for nights in a hotel with one of his friends, but the paperwork hasn't gone through yet. So would it be possible for me to stay with you? I know it might be awkward with your family, business associates, and evil secret agents around, but as you can probably tell I'm a good at making people feel at ease. I won't let you down!

I am concerned that you went to India for a major medical surgical operation. In addition to being a snake handler, I'm also a part-time Christian Scientist. I believe that if God wants you to be better, he'll do it himself. Maybe you're just not praying hard enough? Although, don't pray too hard, because I really need that money. In fact, India sounds like a good place for you. I hear the mosquitos over there are friendly and love to give you happy kisses.

I know that you are worried about your husband family using the money for immaterial things. I promise you that I will only use it on material items that exist and that I can personally feel and touch. That is my solemn swear to you. You should know that I'm 1 for 2 in previously lying to people on their death bed, which is a great bating average, but horrible ERA.

I also promise that as far as you'll ever know, I'm only going to keep the 15% that you've mentioned. Everything will be done in Godly way for time essence.

My full names are Scamtastic. I live at 145 Maple Ave. Brooklyn, NY 11214. My phone number is 212-389-4483. Please call me after 11PM EST as I work late. I'm not sure what a certificate of deposit is, so please have your attorney let me know. I look forward to meeting both of you.

Gently yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 2:

From: williamsjadome@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Requirements
Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2008 06:28:49 +0000

Attention: Scamtastic

Thanks for your mail 2 Jun 2008.

I would want you to understand that the deposited consignment must first be cleared from the demurrage charges before you can authorise any kind of deduction or addition to the funds. And this will make bank tobank transfer/ courier of the funds to your door post possible.

I wonder why you can not come to Germany to conclude this transaction yourself. It will not take you more than two working days. 5Million Pound Sterling is no small money.

I will issue the letter of introduction and send you the Certificate of Deposit only on the ground that you are ready and willing to clear up the demurrage charges and meet up with all requirements. Once, a letter of introduction is issued, you will then be recognised as the new beneficiary to the deposit.

I will commence with issuance of the letter of Introduction and send the Certificate of Deposit which will make you the new beneficiary as soon as you let me know of your willingness to meetup with the requirements of the security
company like demurrage charges e.t.c.

For the other pending transactions of yours, you are to send me all the details of the transactions, so that I can commence at once.

I await your immediate reponse.

Yours faithfully
Barr. Williams Jadome.

My Reply 3:

Mr. Will Jadome,

To clarify, I never said that I couldn't come to Germany. I said that I was no longer dating the Lufthansa pilot. I'm still with the British Airways pilot. Him and his brother fingercuffed me last night, so I should have about 34,000 Mile High Miles ™ in my account, which should easily get me anywhere I want to go. And I have plenty of vacation saved up at Funbags, the Hooters knockoff where I work, so the two days off won't be a problem either.

As for the 5Million Pound Sterling, I'm not sure how I will get it on the plane as they only allow for 50 pounds per bag. Even if I check two bags I'd still be 4,999,900 pounds short. Also, I only weight 118 pounds, so carrying that much will be a problem. Do you have a hand cart that I could borrow? Let me know if you don't know what that is. I've heard that you call elevators lifts, shopping carts trolleys, and refer to your President as King.

Please send me the Certificate of Deposit and the letter of introduction as soon as possible. My brother-in-law is in a heap of trouble with the law and I need the money to bail him out of jail. He's only 17, but is being tried as an adult, so they put him in prison instead of juvie. I made him a promise that I would bail him out before he got raped too much. So please send me the paperwork before someone forces him to do something unspeakable with his full, pouty lips and tight, hairless bottom.

Let me know if you need any more details.

Gently,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 3:

From: williamsjadome@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Should I proceed with the legal documentation?
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:23:52 +0000

Attention: Scamtastic

Thanks for your mail dated 11th June 2008.

I suggest that you take to the option of online banking since third party will not be attended to by the finance company.

The demurrage charges is only 15,400.00EUR and I will send you payment instruction to at your request.

And also indicate your readiness and willingness to conclude this transaction, so I will send your all the relevant documents and contact details of the paying bank.

Should I proceed with the legal documentation?

I await your prompt response.

Yours faithfully
Barr. Williams Jadome.

My Reply 4:

Mr. Will Jadome,

I don't bank online as I don't want my money to get a computer virus. But I spoke with my brother-in-law last night and he told me that the other prisoners have nicknamed him Jizz Receptacle. I need to get him out of there before he know longer craves the pleasures of womanly flesh. I already told him that we would throw him a Boobie party at Funbags when he gets out. That's where all of the waitresses line up and he gets to run his face down the line while singing, "Boobie party! Boobie party! I love Funbags bobbie parties!" So please send me the payment instructions and legal documentation as soon as possible.

Gently,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 4:


From: williamsjadome@hotmail.com
Subject: Contact Mr. Jack by phone to ask any question
Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2008 06:42:12 +0000

Attention: Scamtastic

Thanks for your mail dated 11th June 2008.

I have this morning commenced work on the legal documentation/ paper work. I shall be send you the letter of reference as soon as you are ready to conclude this transaction.

Here is the contact details of the security company below:

Contact: Jack Moore
Tel: 49 1745356022
Company email: info@sfscompany.com
Personal email: jackmoor2003@yahoo.com

Contact Mr. Jack by phone to ask any question regarding this transaction. Specifically ask him of the exact amount of demurrage charges. You have to call Mr. Jack and get back to me.

I await your prompt response.

Yours faithfully
Barr Williams Jadome

My Reply 5:

Mr. Jack Moore,

Will Jadome told me to contact you and specifically ask for the exact amount of demurrage charges. I'm currently writing this from the computer in my local libary. Unfortunately, I am not able to call, because my phone was disconnected. In a previous email, Mr. Jadome had mentioned that it was 15.400EUR, so in order to save up money I decided not to pay a few bills. I guess my step-daughter Bethany will just have to avoid sugar this month, because it's either my Botox or her insulin injections and her diabetes ain't getting me bigger tips at Funbags. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it once I get the 5Million Pound Sterling!

Please let me know what I need to do to conclude this transaction. Thank you!

Gently,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 5:

From: Standard finance & Securities (info@sfscompany.com)
Sent: Wed 6/18/08 12:10 PM
Cc: jackmoor2003@yahoo.com

Attention: Scamtastic

I hereby acknowledge your mail dated 16/06/2008.

I would advice your to call me by phone so that we can discuss in details regarding the dmurrage charges and when you will be comimg Hamburg, Germany.

Here are the requirements:

1. Certificate of deposit
2. Letter of Introduction
3. Photograph Identity and
4. Demurrage charges of 15,400.00EUR.

I await your call at Tel: 49 1745356022.

Yours faithfully
Jack Moore

My Reply 6:

Mr. Jack Moore,

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I got back together with Gunter, the pilot from Lufthansa. Edwin, the British Airways pilot, was trying to charge me a yearly fee for my Mile High Miles ™. He claimed it was clearly written in fine print on my contract, but I signed it after he blew his first load in my face, which made it hard to read. Unfortunately, my miles wouldn't transfer, but Gunter was nice enough to book me a flight to Hamburg leaving next week.

The bad news is that somehow I have contracted a terrible case of throat herpes and my doctor has advised me not to talk for at least two weeks. Because of this, I would like to work out the details through email. I'm sure you understand.

I have all of the items below ready to go and traveler's checks for the 15,400.00EUR. Please let me know where we should meet next week in Hamburg. I arrive on June 25th and will be staying at the Holiday Inn. The address is listed below. I fly back out on June 29th and am hoping to do some sight-seeing and spend some of the money in your fine town before I go. Can you suggest any good places where I could wrap my mouth around some of your local wienerschnitzel?

HOLIDAY INN
BILLWERDER NEUER DEICH 14
HAMBURG, 20539
GERMANY

Gently yours,
Scamtastic

Long lost Cousin Keese

Email Scam:

Date: Sun, 18 May 2008 22:07:47 +0200
From: zjs701@jaguar1.usouthal.edu
Subject: Ref: NL/776090X2/23 (Call to confirm Notification)
Ref: NL/776090X2/23
Batch: 013/06/8394369

We happily announce to you the Draw of the (ELECTRONIK LOTTERY) INTERNATIONAL EMAIL PROMOTION.Your Emailaddress was attached to these lucky winning numbers:03,18,21,24,36, 38 (bonusno.20)

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of $1,500,000(OneMillion Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) payout in Us dollars,in cash credited to file XYL/26510460037/06.

To file for your claim please contact the Lottery Director, with Details Below:

Contact Person: Mr. Keese (my real last name)
Phone Number: 0031-614-797-465
Fax Number : 0031-847-360-271
Contact Email: clmdpt_(my real last name)@yahoo.com.hk

1.FULL NAMES OF BENEFICIARY:
2.RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS:
3.DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH:
4.PHONE/FAX NUMBERS:
5.NAME AND ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN:
6.SEX:
7.OCCUPATION:
8.MARITAL STATUS:
9.NATIONALITY:
10.Ref NUMBER/BATCH NUMBER:
11. AMOUNT WON:

NOTE:
1. You can come down in person to collect your funds here in the Netherlands.
2.Have wired bank to bank transfer.

The Validity period of the winnings is for 7 working days hence you are expected to make your claims immediately, any claim not made before this date will be returned to the MINISTERIO DE ECONOMIA Y HACIENDA.

The society lotteries are managed by Sisson Marketing InternationalLimited,certified by the Gambling Commission ELM Certification 180/3/2.©NetherlandsNational Lottery 2008.

Congratulations once again from all our staff for being a part of our Promotions program.

Dr Van Buren
www.lotto.nl

My Reply:

Keese,

It's so good to hear from you! We haven't spoken since the family reunion. I blame myself. I'm just so bad about keeping in touch with people. And after what happened I didn't know if you still wanted to hear from me anymore. But then I get this letter and WOW! I guess it's all water under the bridge! Are you sure that you won't get in trouble for nepotism?! I don't want you to go to some sort of International Internet prison or something.

The information you requested is below. Why didn't you just fill this out for me? Don't you have most of this info already? I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

1.FULL NAMES OF BENEFICIARY: Scamtastic
2.RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS: 67 Wincrest Ln, Montpelier, VT 05601
3.DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH: My birthday, Hospital
4.PHONE/FAX NUMBERS: Phone, I don't have a FAX
5.NAME AND ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN: Just put yourself down.
6.SEX: Anal
7.OCCUPATION: Big Wall Street Banker
8.MARITAL STATUS: Recently engaged (shhh...it's a secret, we're eloping)
9.NATIONALITY: Italian/Jewish (Pizza bagel!)
10.Ref NUMBER/BATCH NUMBER: Twice daily. I don't assign them numbers
11. AMOUNT WON: 27 million (just kidding, only 1.5 million)

I'm actually going to be in the Netherlands next week. There's a marijuana/hooker convention that I'm guest lecturing at. We should get together. Maybe we can blow some of this new found money and have some fun. Like when we double-teamed your ex-wife at the reunion. She took our pair of dicks like a champ! That noise she made when we both bottomed out still haunts me though.

Anyway, say hi to Aunt Mary for me. Thanks again for the cash!

Your cousin,
Scamtastic