The Bad German

Email Scam:

From: markwellingesq2001@ymail.com
Subject: Please read
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2008 17:18:40 +0100

From: Mark Welling (Welling & Associates, Fulham, London SW6 1RP, United Kingdom).

Dear Friend,

I am Mark Welling, an attorney here in the United Kingdom. I am writing following an oppurtunity in my office that will be of immense benefit to both of us.

I was the legal counsel to the late Mr. Rudolf Haeussler, a German who unfortunately lost his life in the 24 November 2001 Crossair aircraft crash of the 97-seat Jumbolino Avero RJ-100 aircraft en route from Berlin, Germany to Zurich, Switzerland, killing also his wife and only daughter. The aircraft crashed in poor weather conditions as it approached Zurich airport.

Before his death, I assisted him deposit a consignment containing the sum of US$19.1M (Nineteen Million One Hundred Thousand US Dollars) with a financial institution in one of the major cities here in Europe.

Since I got information about his death, I have been expecting his next of kin or relatives to come over and claim his money. Unfortunately I learnt that his supposed next of kin being his only daughter died along with him in the plane crash leaving nobody with the knowledge of this fund behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to do business with you and release the money to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of the funds for safe keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it. I would need you as a Foreigner acting as the next of kin and sole benefactor to the inheritance of late Mr. Rudolf Haeussler to claim the funds for us to share.

There is no risk involved at all in the matter as I am going to adopt a legalized method and prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred, we shall share in the ratio of 60% for me, 35% for you and 5% for any expenses incurred during the course of this operation. Should you be interested, please send me your telephone and fax numbers for easy communication through this email address.

In the event you are not interested, I sincerely ask that you disregard this email and tell no one about it. I am very careful not to truncate my legal career should you mention this to someone else. I hope you can be trusted in this regard.

Please note that all necessary arrangement for the smooth release of these funds to you have been finalised. We will discuss more in details when I do receive your response.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Best regards,
Mark Welling esq.

My Reply:

Mr. Welling Esq,

Thanks for contacting me about my Uncle Rudolf. You see, my family moved from Germany to the US when I was very young. Soon after we arrived, Uncle Rudolf was caught stealing some bread for us and they deported him. We felt guilty about it, so every month we sent him money to make sure he had a good life.

As the years went by, he would consistently mail us these gut-wrenching letters about how he never had enough to eat and couldn't afford the medication to treat the many diseases that he contracted on the boat ride back. So we kept upping the amount. Now it seems that he was pocketing the money and had $19.1M dollars in his bank account!

In one letter, he even told us that the diseases left him hideously disfigured and he was rendered impotent from malnutrition. But obviously this was a lie, as he had a wife and child. To think of all of the simple pleasures my family and I lived without to make sure that "poor" Uncle Rudolf was happy. Excuse my German, but what a crock of shit!

Now I'm not sure how they do things in your country, but here in the US, lawyers do not receive 60% of your inheritance. Especially when I spent my youth wearing my sister's hand-me-downs lederhosen, so Uncle Rudolf could get his "insulin". I recently spoke with my friend who is an attorney specializing in international law and he said that the most you should receive is a 10% finder's fee in addition to your hourly rate. I am willing to pay the additional costs, but I can't imagine that they would amount to 5% of $19.1M. Please send me any receipts and I will pay you whatever is owed.

Angrily nostalgic,
Scamtastic