Thou Art A Rogue

Email Scam:

Attn:
In regards to our Recent Online electronic draw.Be informed that your email attached to Refrence number (NKD-11-20-27-35-44-2-5) has subsequently won you $1,000,000 USD.
For More Details and for Prize Claims,

Contact Sir Alex Webster : webster03@live.com
Tel: +44 7031931577
Congratulations!!
Suhaila(Secretary)
National Lottery Inc.

My Reply:

Sir Alex,

This is a great day! Not only do I get to email my first real knight, but I've also won a million dollars! I'm so excited that I'm genuflecting as I write this! Wouldnst thou perchance lend me the knowledge for what sacred documents I shall procure in order to partake in thee goodly treasure?

Yours in service,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

From: Sir Alex Webster (webster03@live.com)
Sent: Tue 8/05/08 3:25 PM

THE NATIONAL LOTTERY
Abbey Street Lower, Dublin 1, Ireland(Customer Services)
Tel: +44 7031931577

FILL AND RETURN THE B6 FORM DETAILS.

Thanks for your reply. National Lottery Sweepstakes would like to notify you that Your email address attached to Reference Number(NKD-11-20-27-35-44-2-5) was Picked as One Of the Five Winning email Addresses recipients of a cash sum of US$1,000,000.00 in the National Lottery Sweepstakes Draw.

Congratulations for being one of the lucky winners of this year National lottery program. You don't have to purchase a ticket to enter this lottery; your email indicating you as a winner in the lottery programs held by the NATIONAL LOTTERY was received. Your email address was selected through the Computer ballot system drawn from over 25,000,000 company and 40,000,000 individual email addresses, your email address attached to a single ticket was found as one of the lucky email address that emerge from the first category to have won the sum of 1,000,000.00 US$ (One Million Dollars only), the information was passed to you by the lottery coordinator to ensure that we are in contact with the rightful owner of the winning email address to avoid double claiming.

To commence on the processing of your Winning Prize as your claim agent, fill in the details below for the claim B6 application form and send it back to us by email.
Details Required for the B6 Form.

Full Name of Beneficiary:
Contact Address:
Telephone Number:
Fax Number:
Occupation:
Sex:
Age:
Nationality:
City/State:
Marital Status:
Lottery Ref Number:
Ticket Number:
Winner's Email Address:

Provide the Details ASAP.

WINNING INFORMATIONS
Reference Number (NK D- 11-20-27-35-44-2-5),
Serial Number POT-2 1-32-37-49-60-8,
Lucky Numbers 12-5-16-20-9-32,
Batch Number DTK-38-5-13-4 4-18-49
Ticket Number 33-41-73-93-22-11
The Details must be completed and return back to us and the processing of your claim will be completed soonest four and subsequently you will receive the total sum of 1,000,000.00 US$ (One million Dollars only). Good luck.

Best Regards,
SIR ALEX WEBSTER
PAYMENT DIRECTOR
NATIONAL LOTTERY

My Reply 2:

Good Sir Knight,

After reading thy decree, I suspect thou mightest be a black knight, sir. And I do not refer to the Martin Lawrence witchcraft of our Lord's year 2001, but rather the color of thoust cutpurse soul. I thunk to thineself, why wouldst thou King seeth to giveth a lowly rapscallion like thyself such a princely sum? Nay, he wouldnst! Does thou thinketh that thy wokest up so early in the morrow that I wouldnst discover the trickery of such a knave! How darest thou, sir! Thou asketh for thine contact information as if thy werest a tosspot wench who would showest thine undergarments for a piece of fresh cheese. You are a scoundrel and a carbuncle! Now I pray you to leave me be whilst I use this magic box to procure me some paintings of lovely maidens in the privy.

Fare thee well,
Scamtastic

Controversial Treatments

Email Scam:

Greetings,

I am requesting for your assistance in a business transaction. I work as a director of projects in the department of minerals and energy here Pretoria,South Africa. I represent a four member committee vested with the responsibility of contracts evaluation.

We will require you to fill an application form that we shall submit to our country's justice department for the transfer of right and privilege of the former contractor to your name.The actual contract cost has been paid to the original contractor,leaving the balance of the inflated ($27,000,000.00 ) mentioned above which we want to legally obtain approval from the appropriate government authorities and our apex bank for disbursement.

I will give the details of how we intend to proceed, this is a legitimate transaction. You will be paid 15% for your management fees; if I am able to reach terms with you.

If you are interested, please write me back and provide me with your full names, tel/cell numbers and I will provide details. Keep this close to you we are still serving the government.

Regards,

Mr. Ramsey Nkosi.

My Reply:

Mr. Nkosi,

It must be in the stars! You're from Pretoria and I'm suffering from progeria. That's the disease where your body ages at a super accelerated rate. Usually we don't live past the age of 13, but with treatment I've managed to live longer than anyone else. I just celebrated my 19th birthday a few weeks ago and I'm told I don't look a day older than 134.

I could really use the money, because the treatments are very expensive. The medicine is made from a special chemical that is released during a teenage male's first ejaculation. Scientists recently learned that the chemical is stored in the appendix and once released let's the body know that you are now a man. It's also why no matter hard you try you can never make it feel as good as it did the first time. So as you can imagine, it's extremely controversial and costly to extract.

I am very interested in the money, but one of the side effects of the treatment is that it gives me terrible laryngitis. Because of this, I would prefer to do correspond via email rather than over the telephone. The sooner, the better, as every day for me is like six of your human days.

Impatiently yours,
Scamtastic

PS - What minerals and energy do you oversee?

Sloppy Research

Email Scam:

BUSINESS PROPOSAL

Advocate Loyen Van Smith
Loyens & Smith NV.
Fred. Roeskestraat 202,
P.O. Box 71170 1008 AE
Leiden, Netherlands.
Email:barrloyensmith@aim.com
E-mail:loyensmithchambers@yahoo.com

Good day.

I am Advocate Loyen Van Smith,A senior legal practitioner and partner with the Loyens and Smith law Chambers in Leiden Netherland.

I wish to know if we can work together on a very important proposal I am about to introduce to you.

I would like you to stand as the beneficiary to my deceased client Mrs. Rachel Janosik, who made some deposit of Ђ19.700, 000 (Ninety Million Seven Hundred Thousand Euros} with the ING BANK [http://www.ingbank.nl]here in Amsterdam Netherland,Before her demise.

You can visit this web site to confirm my information's to you at ALASKA AIRLINE FLIGHT 261. http://www.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list/

She died without any registered next of kin, Because she moved to the United States Of America years back before this accident,and as such the funds now have an open beneficiary mandate. And the bank has being writing me all this while,Because they recognize me as her lawyer back here, And they have requested I try and locate any of her beneficiary to come for this funds.As that is the policy here in the Netherlands.

For years now I have been unsuccessful in locating any of her relatives and so have decided to seek other means to transfer this fund. I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased. I agree to pay you 30% of the fund as the account owner, 60% would be for me.While we would set aside 10% for settling any expenses we make during this transaction.

I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make at the bank,And with my status covers every other aspect.

So please if you are interested in doing this with me, Do respond to me via my personal Email:barrloyensmith@aim.com,So that I can give you more comprehensive details on what we are to do, And discuss further modalities, On how we can have this funds released and wired into your designated bank account, before my meeting with you for the disbursement of the fund .

Please you need to keep this transaction confidential, Until we have successfully transferred this funds into your designated bank account.

Awaiting your urgent and positive response.

Yours Sincerely.
Advocate Loyen Van Smith

My Reply:

Dear Douchebag,

I followed the link you sent to confirm the identity of your deceased client and I am curious how "Rachel Janosik, 20, of Enumclaw, Washington. Horizon Air food and beverage agent, based in Seattle" would have made a deposit of Ninety Million Seven Hundred Thousand Euros with the ING BANK.

In addition, you claim that your client has no registered next of kin, when a quick search of her name comes up with the following quote from her grieving brother, "'She was really getting into traveling,' said her brother, Matt, 18. 'We just got her a set of luggage for Christmas.'"
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2000/02/01/national/main155348.shtml

I am pretty sure he would be interested hearing about his sister's will, considering she must have been living a secret double life. It's amazing that she worked as an air and food agent in Seattle and also lived in the Netherlands with 97,700,000EU in the bank. Quite a life for a 20-year old. She was probably super spy for the government and the airline job was just a cover.

C’mon, do you really think I’m stupid enough to believe that?! Why don’t you just go pack another bowl of hash and leave the email scams to the professionals. At least the Nigerians have the courtesy to do their research. I mean on the same list of the deceased where you found Rachel Janosik you can find: “Larry Baldridge Jr. of Novato, California, was a savvy businessman taking advantage of the Internet boom. He began to set up a venture capital business with Michael Schwab, the son of legendary brokerage leader Charles Schwab.” Now that is someone who might have deposited a large sum of money in a foreign bank. Sloppy, sloppy work. You’re never going to make it in the scamming industry unless you start to take pride in what you do.

That being said, it is a lot of money, and just in case it’s all true I would be interested in discussing further modalities. Please let me know.

Thanks,

Scamtastic

Federal Bureau of Irony

Email Scam:

Subject: FBI OFFICIAL APPROVAL LETTER From: FBI Seattle Division (steven.dean@fbi.seattle.gov)
Sent: Sun 6/15/08 12:57 PM
Reply-to: efcc-desk@live.com
Federal Bureau of Investigation FBI Seattle Division 1110 Third Avenue Seattle, Washington 98101-2904

Payment Code: R5109176K
Date: June 15, 2008

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has discovered through our intelligence Monitoring Network, that you have an on going transaction with a Financial Institution in Nigeria, as the owner of the said sum $7.5 Million United States Dollar.

Therefore, the FBI Seattle Division in conjunction with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Has screened through our various Monitoring Networks and has been confirmed and notified that the transaction you have with the Financial Institution is Legal and you have the Lawful Right to claim your due fund. We advise you to go ahead with the transaction as we are monitoring all their services and networks.

Be advised that any letter or claims notification received from anybody or company should be forwarded to us with immediate effect. Meanwhile, you are advised to follow the procedure of the Financial Institution. They have their own legal procedure which we have examined and confirmed legal. Follow their instructions while you keep us updated for more details. You are advised to contact the necessary office for more details of transfer as we are monitoring every move now.

Please, be advised and be aware that your funds had been insured and the necessary charges would be taken care of by you, as confirmed by the Monitoring network. For your own good you are advised to confirm any transaction or lottery promo you have either involved yourself with in the past to enable us trace this scammers. Only the Financial Institution has been confirmed Legal any other are still under investigation, and so many others are scam, most especially from Nigeria and Africa.

Contact the EFCC Public Relations Officer Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde with your Payment Code: R5109176K in regards to more details on your funds.

Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde (Public Relations Officer)
Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)
15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos 23401 Nigeria.
Phone: +234 1 213 2126
Fax: +234 1 213 0184
E-mail: efcc-desk@live.com

If you need to contact me at any stage please do not hesitate to call (206) 350-6981.

Sincerely,
Steven M. Dean (Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge)
Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI)

My Reply:

Mr. Lamorde,

It's days like today when I'm reminded just how lucky I am to be an American. I know you are from Nigeria and will never fully understand what it means to love your country, but I am filled with so much pride right now that I could burst. When the Patriot Act was first enacted, my heart swelled with bloody tears of joy, because I knew that even though I was giving up some freedom of privacy, I was gaining the loving embrace that only a faceless government agency could provide. And even then, I thought they'd only monitor emails for terrorist activities. I certainly never, in my wildest dreams, imagined that they'd have the time to screen individual financial opportunities. Even though I've never gotten one, I've heard that most of these emails are scams, but it's comforting to know that the FBI has already taken the trouble to confirm it's legitimacy and legality.

Since I have been pre-approved by my own government, I am prepared to follow all necessary instructions. I'm also glad that they are monitoring this transaction from what I can only assume is a cool bunker somewhere in a secret mountain. (Can I get a tour of the bunker?) Sorry, that was to them.

Please let me know what I need to do to get the money.

So psyched,
Scamtastic

PS - Do you think I have to tip the FBI agent? If so, what is the proper amount?

Scam Reply:

From: Ibrahim Lamorde (efcc-desk@live.com)
Sent: Thu 6/19/08 9:07 AM
Reply-to: barrjamesmichael@live.com
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission 15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos 23401 Nigeria.
LEGALIZATION OF FUND TRANSFER DOCUMENTS
Payment Code: R5109176K

Attention: Scamtastic,

Thank you for contacting the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC).

We acknowledge the receipt of your email forwarded to us by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). However, after thorough verification and scrutiny of your information you have been found qualified to receive the sum of $7,500,000.00 USD (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).

To effect and carry out the directives given, you are advise to stop further communication with any individual or company in regards to this fund as all payment will be carried out through this office, this is to secure your transaction against fraudulent activities.

We shall proceed to conclude the payment process of your fund by opening a claim file for you. As a foriegn beneficiary you will be required to legalize all your documents in order to instruct the Central Bank of Nigeria to credit your account with the sum of $7,500,000.00 USD.

1. TRANSFER APPROVAL CERTIFICATE
2. LEGALIZATION OF NON-RESIDENTIAL DOCUMENTS
However, it is your option to hire a lawyer or an agent to assist you in court. (An agent will not be provided by the court.) This person can sum up the case on your behalf.

Below is the Information of the lawyer to enable you contact him for the process:

SILVERMAN SHERLIKER LLP (Solicitors) Contact person: Barrister James Michael
Telephone: +234 803 223 4921
E-mail: barrjamesmichael@live.com

After the endorsement of your documents and all requirements of the High Court has been provided, your file will be passed across to the Central Bank of Nigeriak and you will be contacted for your fund transfer immediately.

All rights of any client to this claim maybe be denied if the release document is not signed in accordance with the provision of the promotions regulatory Authorities.

If you need to contact me at any stage please do not hesitate to call or send me an e-mail.

Yours in service,
Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde (Public Relations Officer)
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)

My Reply 2:

Mr. Michael,

First off, I just want to thank you for what you are doing. You see, my grandmother recently got swindled by email scammers and lost most of her retirement money. And while there was nothing we could do to get it back from those bastards, the kind people at the EFCC did everything they could to help, and I will always be grateful.

Because of the scam, my family has had to make sacrifices to pay for my grandmother's expensive and unusual medical treatments. This has caused our normal cheery outlook on life to become irrevocably damaged. My grandmother always taught us to stay positive, no matter what life throws at you. But after this incident with the email scam, she has turned into a real "Negative Nancy", cursing like a sailor and complaining that she's living in her own private hell on Earth. It's really bumming us out.

When I received the letter from the FBI, I was relieved to discover that positive energy was coming back into our lives and karma was on our side once again! I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there are many Nigerian "419" crimes on the Interweb, so it's good to know an organization like the EFCC exists, to protect the good citizens of the world from your horrible, horrible people.

I'm sure your country is filled with swindlers and shysters who are just waiting to take an honest, hard-working man's money. So it's also assuring to hear that the EFCC has already pre-approved you as a reputable lawyer. It's nice to know that everything is being taken care of for me, so I don't have to worry. Please tell me what I have to do next. I can't wait to see my grandmother's semi-paralyzed face when she hears about the 7.5 million dollars! Thanks!

Positively yours,
Scamtastic

PS - I know you don't have many rights in your country, but is attorney/client privledge one of them? You see, I have a lot of stuff to get off my chest, but I can't afford a psychiatrist and I'm not Catholic, so I would feel awkward going to confessional. Let me know. Thanks again!

Scam Reply 2:

SILVERMAN SHERLIKER LLP (Solicitors)
ADDRESS: 70 PARK LANE, APAPA, LAGOS, NIGERIA 23401
Telephone: +234 8053369394
E-mail: barrjamesmichael@live.com

Dear Scamtastic,

Your engagement notice refers.

This is to respond to the receipt of an engagement notice; having made preliminary findings on your fund transfer from the Central Bank of Nigeria valued at the sum of $7.5 Million USD. For me to have sufficient mandate and authority to function as your representative probate attorney, I request that you make a non-refundable application fee of $50.00 USD send me the listed information below:

1. Your Name: 2. Address: 3. Occupation: 4. Marital Status: 5. Age: 6. Country: (Present Location) 7. Nationality: 8. Telephone: 9. Fax number: (if any)

As your representative probate attorney, I will have to travel to the High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja to obtain the Transfer Approval Certificate and Legalise your Non-Residential Document on your behalf. The Federal High Court will decide on what it will cost to issue the certificate in your favour. I will let you know the exact amount it will cost you as soon as submit your payment file to the Federal High Court. My willingness to accept your brief, it is essential for us to establish from onset that my travelling allowance including the cost of obtaining the documents from the Federal High Court will be paid by you. Whereas my professional service fee will be paid in full at the end of execution of brief.

As for my professional service fee, by the release of your fund, I will communicate my banking details
for the outright payment of my service fee which is 2% out of the total value of your fund. I will
appreciate your steadfastness so that I can put this brief to rest as soon as possible.

Thanks for your patronage; I am committed to rendering you the best of my professional service.

Yours in service,
Barr. James Michael.

My Reply 3:

Mr. Michael,

Thanks again for taking my case I've had my fair trouble with the law and unfortunately I had to learn the hard way that representing yourself isn't always the best defense. I think I must've seen "A Time To Kill" too many times, because I asked the jury to close their eyes and imagine a girl. Then I described horrible things that a redneck did to her. Then, through tears, I asked them to imagine it was a black girl. I have to say that it didn't go over well, considering I was in court about a traffic ticket. Whoever said that the best defense is being offensive was completely wrong! But just like my grandmother always says, "A frog in the bush is worth two donkeys come winter."

1. Your Name: Scamtastic
2. Address: 178 Very Special Blossom Highway, Queens, NY 11426
3. Occupation: IRS Agent
4. Marital Status: Married with Children (remember the episode where Al didn't want to have sex with Peg? that was my favorite.)
5. Age: 29 for last 9 years (blush)
6. Country: (Present Location) USA (in front of my computer)
7. Nationality: Belgian/French (I'm a Belch!)
8. Telephone: 212-839-3094
9. Fax number: (if any) Seriously?

Before I send the $50, is it possible for you to do me a favor? I know you've been approved by the FBI and EFCC, but I've never done business like this before. And since we both stand to make a lot of money, it would make me feel much better if you sent me a photo of yourself. I've attached my photo to this email, so you'll know who you are representing.

Please send me the photo and the address to where I should mail the $50.

Godspeed,
Scamtastic

PS - What about the attorney/client privilege in Nigeria? Let me know soon. I need to tell you something before it happens again.

(not really me)

Scam Reply 3:

From: Barr James Michael (barrjamesmichael@live.com)
Sent: Wed 7/02/08 2:28 AM

Dear Scamtastic,

Attached to this mail is the info you requested. The $50 application fee should be sent via MoneyGram or Western Union Money Transfer in the name of our cashier Mr. Emmanuel Essien.

NAME OF RECEIVER: EMMANUEL ESSIEN
ADDRESS: 70 PARK LANE, APAPA, LAGOS, NIGERIA 23401
TEXT QUESTION: IN GOD
TEXT ANSWER: WE TRUST

As soon as the money is received I will travel immediately to the High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja to obtain necessary documents on your behalf.

You are to forward to this honorable office via email the pickup information after you have made the payment.

NAME OF SENDER:
ADDRESS:
AMOUNT SENT:
MTCN#: (money transfer control number)

Thanks for your patronage; I am committed to rendering you the best of my professional service.

Yours in service,
Barrister James Michael
My Reply 4:

Mr. Michael,

I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to get back to you. Unfortunately, my grandmother recently past away. She kept telling us that her nurse was beating her, but she's losing it and the nursing home assured us that the bruises were due to her blood disorder. But two weeks ago she suffered a concussion after blow to her head and died. So it turns out that she was right the whole time. I'm sure she's up in Heaven screaming, "I told you so!" At least we know now that she was never actually suffering from Alzheimer's, which is good news cause that shit is hereditary.

Anyway, her death made me start thinking. Do I really need all this money? And after a lot of soul searching I realize I do. She died alone without anyone by her side. And I'm not going to let that happen to me. You've seen my picture. Calling me ugly would be a compliment. So I need every cent I can to make sure that I'm surrounded by a gaggle of hotties when I go. I've been watching the news lately and heard a lot of talk about Muslims having 72 virgins waiting for them in Heaven. Since I'm not Muslim, I've decided to use this money to get 72 virgins while I'm here on Earth. In fact, I even made that the first 72 things on my bucket list. The 73rd is to make peace with my estranged daughter.

The only bad news is that I'm having trouble getting you your $50. My grandmother's funeral wasn't cheap and I'm strapped for cash. I'm trying to borrow it from a friend of mine, but he thinks it's a scam. I told him about being pre-approved by the FBI and EFCC and even showed him your legal certificate, but he's still not budging. He said all that stuff could have been Photoshopped. I told him that you're from Nigeria and would have no idea what that is, and while he agreed with me, he still needs more proof. He said he would lend me all the money I need if you would send me a short video clip of yourself convincing him that you are a real lawyer. Make sure to say a bunch of lawyery-type stuff like "quid pro quo" and "I object!". I believe you, but he's the one with the money. I look forward to seeing your video, so we can finally complete this transaction.

Until next time,
Scamtastic