Scamtastic

Play It Again, Scam

2009-03-16T19:45:00.009-04:00

Email Scam:

From: miphilmo@bluewin.ch
Subject: PAYMENT NOTIFICATION
Date: Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:28:23 +0000

Dear Friend,

I am Mrs. Kathy Lloyds, I am a Australia citizen, I am one of those that Executed a contract in Nigeria years ago and they refused to pay me, I had paid Over $150,000 Australian Dollars, while trying to get my payment all to no avail.

So I decided to travel down to Nigeria with all my contract documents, and I was directed to meet Barrister Fred Oputa, who is the member of CONTRACT AWARD COMMITTEE, and I contacted him and he explained everything to me. He said that those contacting us through emails are fake.

Then he took me to the paying bank, which is Standard Finance Bank Plc and I am the happiest woman on this earth because I have received my contract funds of $1.5 Million, USD. Moreover, Justice Fred oputa, showed me the full information of those that have not received their compensation payment.

You have to contact him direct on this information below.

Name: Barrister Fred Oputa
Email: ( justicefredoputa@gmail.com )

You really have to stop your dealings with those contacting you because they will dry you up until you have nothing left with you.

Thank You and God Blessed.
Mrs. Kathy Lloyds

My Reply to Fred:

Mr. Fred,

I was referred to you by Mrs. Kathy Lloyds who said you have been investigating my unpaid compensation payments. You will never know how much this means to me!

Over the past year, I have sent approximately $10,000 to a bank in Nigeria and have yet to hear back from them. Unfortunately, it's not the first time this has happened to me. I have been involved in almost a half dozen Ponzi schemes over the past 10 years, including over $425,500 with Bernie Madoff alone.

Contrary to popular belief, I am not a greedy person! All I want to do is get back to even. And this 1.5 Million USD will get me almost half the way there. That being said, if you have any investment ideas where I could double or possibly triple this money in a few months, I would really appreciate it.

These experiences have taught me many valuable lessons though. First, marriage vows should be changed to, "Till loss of our life savings do we part." Second, it's important to know if your boat insurance is paid up before sinking it to pay for the divorce. And third, is what the barrel of a gun tastes like before I cry myself to sleep every night.

I know people say certain things are too good to be true, but I strongly believe in karma and hope each new investment will be the one that balances out the rest. So I know this is a silly request, but since I've been burned so many times in the past, can you please send me something to convince me that you are legit. I appreciate your indulgence!

Cautiously yours,
Scamtastic

My Reply to Kathy:

Mrs. Lloyds,

Thank you so much for contacting me about the compensation payments I am owed. I have already contacted Fred Oputa, but I want to thank you personally for going out of your way to find me.

As a screenwriter, I have to say your story is both courageous, inspiring, entertaining, and experiential. And since I have lost a lot of money from previous email scams, I think I am the write person to right your story. So I would really appreciate it if you would tell me more about your harrowing journey from Australia to Nigeria. And don't leave out any of the juicy details!

For instance, did you meet a swarthy romantic interest at a bar, only to later find out that he was working for the enemy, but before he could deliver the deathblow, you looked into his eyes and he realized that you were the only love for him, so he spared your life and turned on the very scammers that he was working for, only to sacrifice himself in the end to help you get the money and return home safely? If so, that would really help my dramatic structure.

Anyway, please get back to me as I would also like to find out if this would make a better comedy or drama.

Strangelovely yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply from Kathy:

[Not delivered] RE: PAYMENT NOTIFICATION‏
From: Swisscom AG (info.noreply@bluewin.ch)
Sent: Mon 3/16/09 4:28 PM

** English **
This is an automated message. Please do not reply.
The account you tried to reach has been temporarily disabled.

** Deutsch **
Dies ist eine automatisch generierte Nachricht. Bitte antworten Sie nicht auf dieses Mail.
Die Mail-Adresse, die sie angeschrieben haben, wurde vorübergehend gesperrt.

** Français **
Ceci est un message généré automatiquement. Merci de ne pas répondre à ce message.
L'adresse email que vous avez adressé a été désactivée temporairement.

** Italiano **
Questo è un messaggio generato automaticamaente. Si prega di non rispondere a questo messaggio.
L'indirizzo email da lei indirizzato è stato disattivato temporaneamente.

Scam Reply from Fred:

From: j.f.oputa@msn.com
Subject: INFORMATION NEEDED (CALL ME NOW)
Date: Wed, 18 Mar 2009 03:05:56 +0000

Justice Fred Oputa Chambers.
2nd Floor Ghalib House,
24 Abdul Wahab Folawiyo Rd.,
Lagos, Nigeria.

Sir/Madam,

A firm where the client is treated with courtesy, truth is sacrosanct, our credos is excellence, honesty, transparency and fear of God, where the helpless is assisted, the cheated given succor, the powerless empowered and we all live like one big family.

I am Barrister Justice Fred Oputa from the Unity Chamber, I receiverd your mail about your dealing with some criminals regarding your contract payment. However before I proceed with you I will want you to fill the information below.

Full Name:
Address:
Phone Number:
Age:
Country:

Note that I will draft an application that you will be sending the bank upon the response this mail. The success of this benture depend on your ability to follow my instruction. You must follow my instruction so that your fund will be transfered to you.

You can call me on +2348022798323.

I await your response.

Regards
Barrister Justice Fred Oputa

My Reply to Fred 2:

Mr. Fred,

Thank you for your credos and your sacrosanctity. As one who had been cheated, I have felt like a "sucker" before, so I truly appreciate your firm's "succor". I find it hard to trust people without fear in their heart, so I am comforted to know that God scares you too. The only thing that worries me is that your said your firm "lives like one big family". Is it some kind of commune? What are you a liberal, hippy socialist? Maybe your heart isn't as afraid as it should be.

I emailed Kathy Lloyds to thank her for putting us in touch, but the email bounced back. Do you have a current email address for her? Is she okay? I would be more at ease if I could contact her before moving forward with this transaction. As a screenwriter, I plan to turn her life story into a feature script or possibly even a movie of the week, so I really need to get in touch with her. Or at least know how she died, so I know how the story should end.

Full Name: Scamtastic
Address: 7 Robbie Ln, Los Gatos, CA 95030
Phone Number: N/A (please contact me through email, as my phone is currently gay)
Age: 33
Country: USA

I hope to hear back from you soon.

Transparently yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply from Fred 2:

From: j.f.oputa@msn.com
Subject: KINDLY CONTACT THE PAYING BANK FOR YOUR FUND‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏
Date: Thu, 19 Mar 2009 07:02:08 +0000

Dear Scamtastic

However, I want you to know that I will inform the bank about this and will want you to be rest assured that I will back you up in this venture hence there won’t be any breach of the law before and after this transaction. Further more I must lay emphasis on the your past buisness with this crook. I will have to file a file to ensure that they are traced but you must promise that you will never have anything to do with them again either by mail, phone or otherwise.

Do have the Application Below sent to the Bank Today and as soon as that is done we shall wait upon their response. As soon as the bank contacts you please do not hesitate to update me so I can further give you directives on how to go about it to avoid mistakes.

Regards,
Barrister Fred Oputa.
.......................................................................................

THE DIRECTOR
FINANCE AND REMITTANCE,
STANDARD FINANCE
E-MAIL: transferdept@sfbconnect.com
Website: http://www.sfbconnect.com/nig/
Tel: + 234 01 760 6283

APPLICATION FOR CLAIM CREDIT BALANCE OF USD $1.500, 000.00.

I write to lay claim over my contract funds of 1.5 Million Dollars which is presently in deposited in a suspended account with your bank.

I wish as the beneficiary, to claim and instruct that the above-mentioned fund be handed over to me at the earliest through my appointed mode of payment.

I hope my application will be favourably granted by your good office and shall provide you my details and preferred mode of receipt of the fund as soon as my payment is approved.
Thanks for your anticipated co-operation.

Yours Faithfully,
Scamtastic

My Reply to Fred 3:

RE: KINDLY CONTACT THE PAYING BANK FOR YOUR FUND‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

Sent:	Mon 3/23/09 2:24 PM
To:	j.f.oputa@msn.com

Mr. Fred,

I promise not to have anything to do with the crooks that have scammed me in the past. I sincerely hope you are able to trace their files and root them out of their hidey-holes.

I will send the application to the bank as advised and update you as soon as they contact me. I definitely hope to avoid any of the previous mistakes that I have made. With your help, I truly believe in my God-fearing heart that this time will be different!

However, I am still worried that I have not received Kathy Lloyds correct email address. I desperately need to get in touch with her about my screenplay idea. Her story must be told! Please send me an address where I can contact her!!! I don't know if I feel comfortable continuing this transaction without it.

Awaiting Further Directives,
Scamtastic

My Reply to Standard Finance:

APPLICATION FOR CLAIM CREDIT BALANCE OF USD $1.500, 000.00.‏

Sent:	Mon 3/23/09 2:26 PM
To:	transferdept@sfbconnect.com

THE DIRECTOR
FINANCE AND REMITTANCE,
STANDARD FINANCE
E-MAIL: transferdept@sfbconnect.com
Website: http://www.sfbconnect.com/nig/
Tel: + 234 01 760 6283

APPLICATION FOR CLAIM CREDIT BALANCE OF USD $1.500, 000.00.

I write to lay claim over my contract funds of 1.5 Million Dollars which is presently in deposited in a suspended account with your bank.

I wish as the beneficiary, to claim and instruct that the above-mentioned fund be handed over to me at the earliest through my appointed mode of payment.

I hope my application will be favourably granted by your good office and shall provide you my details and preferred mode of receipt of the fund as soon as my payment is approved.

Thanks for your anticipated co-operation.

Faithfully Yours,
Scamtastic

(not dictated or read)

Scam Reply from Standard Finance:

Date: Mon, 23 Mar 2009 20:57:20 -0500
Subject: NEEDED DOCUMENT FOR VERIFCATION
From: transferdept@sfbconnect.com

THE DIRECTOR
FINANCE AND REMITTANCE,
STANDARD FINANCE
E-MAIL: transferdept@sfbconnect.com
Website: http://www.sfbconnect.com/nig/
Tel: + 234 01 760 6283
PHONE NUMBER: 011-234 01 760 6283

ATTENTION:

Following Vetting And Verification Of The Application Received From Barrister Fred Oputa, On Your Behalf For Your Contract Payment, We Want To Inform You That Your Payment Has Been Programmed To Be Effected By Online Bank To Bank Wire Transfer.

In Accordance With Our Operational Procedure In This Bank, We Shall Commence In Earnest With The Verification Of Your Submitted Information In Order To Appropriate And Confirm The Validity Of Your Claim.

You Are Therefore Being Fully Advised To Provide The Document Below For The Verification Exercise And Immediate Transfer Of Your Fund To Your Bank Account Without Any Delay.

1)A Sworn Affidavit from A Federal High Court of Appeal to Show That You Are The Real Beneficiary to This Fund

2)Your Drivers License or International Passport.

You Are To Contact Your Attorney And For This Document.

We Await Your Response.

BEST REGARDS,
THE DIRECTOR
FINANCE AND REMITTANCE,
STANDARD FINANCE
E-MAIL: transferdept@sfbconnect.com
Website: http://www.sfbconnect.com/nig/
Tel: + 234 01 760 6283

(c) 2004 All rights reserved, Contact

My Reply To Fred 4:

Mr. Fred,

I received the letter below, but "The Director" never game me his name. I trust Kathy Lloyds and you, but it's hard to do business with someone when you don't even know what to call them. I'm sure you can understand my hesitancy, since I have been scammed so many times in the past. Do you know his name? The whole thing sounds fishy if you ask me.

Please let me know if this "Director" is legitimate before I give him any additional information. You should also know that I don't have a passport or driver's license. I have never left the country or had the need to drive, as there is a bus stop conveniently located outside my front door. I have attached a Chucky Cheese gift card with my name on it for ID. Please let me know if this will do.

I guess I'm also going to need your help with the "Sworn Affidavit from A Federal High Court of Appeal to Show That You Are The Real Beneficiary to This Fund". Please get back to me as to how I can acquire this document.

And finally, I really need to get Kathy Lloyds current email address. I constantly try to contact her, but it keeps bouncing back to me. I pitched the idea of doing a movie based on her life story to Disney the other day and they are VERY interested. The main characters will be turtles, but besides that it's all Kathy. As the Writer/Producer, I need to discuss her likeness rights before we move forward. She is going to be a very rich woman and I'm assuming that you will get a certain percent as her lawyer. So please do whatever you can to get me her contact information as soon as possible.

Attornelly Yours,
Scamtastic

The Mysterious Mr. Gabby

2009-03-12T16:25:00.003-04:00

Email Scam:

From: INFO@LOTTO.ORG
Subject: INTERNET STATE LOTTERY AWARD!!!
Date: Sun, 2 Nov 2008 14:00:18 +0100

State Lottery Company (State lorre)
2nd Floor Chiltern House, St Nicholas Court
25 - 27 Castlegate, Nottingham NG1 7AR,
United Kingdom.
http://www.statelottery.com/

Dear Lucky Winner,

We happily announce to you the result of the State Lottery draws held on Saturday 18th October 2008, Lotto 6/49 in Essex, United Kingdom. All participants were selected randomly from World Wide Web site through computer draws system and extracted from over 10,000.00 companies and personal e-mail addresses.

Your e-mail address attached to ticket number: B9564 7560 with serial number 046560 drew the winning numbers 6 7 14 16 17 27 Bonus 32. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of ?500,000.00 (FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS STERLING) in cash credited to file EAAL/9080118308/08.

To file for your claim, please contact our corresponding claim agent immediately you read this message for quick and urgent release of your fund.

Contact information is as follow:

Mr. Richard Smith.
Email: bli1616@rocketmail.com

Endeavour to submit the below information’s as stated below to enable Mr. Gabby process your winning.

1. Full Name:................................

2. Full Address:.............................
3. Marital Statue:...........................
4. Occupation:...............................
5. Age:.......................................
6. Sex:.......................................
7. Nationality:...............................
8. Tel. Number:..............................
9. Country of Residence.....................

***Due to possible mix up of some numbers and email contacts, we ask that you keep this award strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by some participants of this program. ***

Congratulations once more from all members and staff of this promotional Lottery program.

Yours Sincerely,
State Lottery Company
**Customer Service**

My Reply:

Mr. Smith,

Thank you money. I like money. English no good. I am not for rain. I am slow. You are good man. Please give me money.

> 1. Full Name:..............Full Scamtastic

> 2. Full Address:..........Full Hiltop Home For Retarded, 3006 New Bern Ave, Raleigh, NC 27610
> 3. Marital Statue:...........................No
> 4. Occupation:...............................No
> 5. Age:.......................................24
> 6. Sex:.......................................No
> 7. Nationality:...............................America
> 8. Tel. Number:..............................919-251-8537
> 9. Country of Residence.....................America

Who is Mr. Gabby?

Sin Cereally,
Scamtastic

For The Love Of Xenu

2009-03-06T10:36:00.004-05:00

Email Scam:

Date: Wed, 4 Mar 2009 18:13:30 +0500
Subject: MY BENEFICIARY....
From: susanj50@fastermail.com

From Mrs. Susan Jones.
7 Old Church Street,
Chelsea, SW3 5LT,
London, England.

Dear Friend,

My name is Mrs. Susan Jones, wife of late Dr. Greg Jones who died December 2nd 2006, 'May his soul rest in peace'. My late husband was into private practice all his life before his death.

Our life together as husband and wife lasted for years without a child. He died after a protracted illness, but before his death we vowed to start Charity Project to uplift the downtrodden and the less-privileged individuals, as he had passion for persons who cannot help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament. I can adduce this to the fact that we needed a child from this relationship, which never come till his death.

Before his death, he deposited the sum of 5,000,000.00GBP (Five Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling) to his local bank account here in UK with the good heart of using it for the Charity Project and till now the money is still with the Bank.

After series of medical test on me last week, my Doctor has told me that I have limited days to live due to Cancerous illness known as Leukemia, which has affected my heart system.

Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to this cancer.

With this hard reality that has befallen me, I have decided to give you this money and I want you to use this gift which come from my late husband effort to assist the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially as planned with my late husband before his sudden death.

For accepting to help me receive this money in your local bank account and also to invest it on Charity Project, you would take 10% of the 5 Million Great Britain Pounds for your personal use and all your expenses during the charity project after receiving the money will be deducted from the huge sum. As soon as I receive your reply through this my confidential email address ssjones60@yahoo.com.hk.

Be rest assured that I will sign the necessary Probate Document to make you my Next of Kin,hence empower you as the Original Beneficiary of the money and I will also give you the bank contact where the money was deposited in UK to avoid delay in transferring the money to you now that I am still alive.

I will expect your positive response with urgency. God bless you and members of your family.

Yours sincerely,
Mrs. Susan Jones.

My Reply:

Mrs. Jones,

I am incredibly sorry to hear about your failing heart system and would be very interested in helping you allocate your husband's wealth to a charitable organization. As a less-privileged person in constant financial predicaments, I have always been stressed about not donating enough money to charity. That's why most of my money has gone directly to the Church of Scientology to improve my E-meter reading.

My auditor tells me that engrams are ravaging my body and preventing me from becoming "clear", which is probably why I've been so downtrodden my whole life. However, with this much money I will finally be able to pay for enough auditing sessions to get myself to Operating Thetan. Then I will know the true meaning of life and possibly be able to cross the Bridge and hang out with Tom Cruise and John Travolta.

I hope this response is both positive and urgent enough. I look forward to becoming your next of kin.

L. Ron Bless You,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

Date: Sat, 7 Mar 2009 02:57:35 -0800
From: ssjones60@yahoo.com.hk
Subject: RE: MY BENEFICIARY....

Hello Scamtastic,

I want you to please accept the 10% for your assistance. Below is the contact information of my Attorney, his duty is to process the probate document to make you my next of kin and beneficiary of the 5,000,000.00GBP, to authorize you claim the money.

We have agreed that you will pay his chambers 5% of the money as their charge for the job as soon as you receive the money in your account, because I cannot pay them any money now due to my illness. Below is his direct contact information, and when contacting him through email use Dr. & Mrs. Jones charity project as your subject, because it is the code to prove that you were truly directed by me.

Barrister. Marcus Bruce
Phone: +44 703 596 7735
Fax: +44 709 288 2197
Email: barrstar.marcusbruce@yahoo.co.uk

Please contact him immediately so that he will tell you the necessary information to make you my next of kin and to transfer the 5,000,000.00 Pounds to your account, he is the only one I trusted due to his honesty and friendship with my late husband.

I don’t know if I can come to computer room again this period, but if you did not hear from me again always pray for me because I will continue to pray for you wherever I go.

Good luck and god bless you and your family.

Mrs. Susan Jones.

My Reply 2:

Mr. Bruce,

I was referred to you by our good (late?) friend Mrs. Susan Jones. Please let me know what I need to do to accept her husband's fortune, as I have already planned on donating all of the money to the Church of Scientology. I know it says that you are charging 5% for your commission, but I was hoping you could do the work pro-bono since it is going to such a worthy cause.

As a lawyer, I'm sure you are under a lot of stress. So, for your trouble, I can guarantee you a dozen auditing sessions. If you are diligent and do your spiritual homework, this should be enough get you to the level "Pre-clear". It won't eliminate all of your stress, but will put you on the right path to Serenity of Beingness.

Most of your money will go towards building a new Celebrity Center in Sundance, Utah. The Mormons have long since ruled the roost out there and I think it's about time we stake our claim. I believe we can help a lot of unhappy famous people come to understand the true meaning of life.

The Celebrity Center will primarily be used by the glitterati, but some "normals" will be allowed entrance for special recruiting events. We're hoping to have the center built in time for the 2010 Sundance Film Festival, where we will blanket the streets of Park City with volunteers. They will be doing free E-meter readings and trying to convert followers to the ways of the Hubbard.

I look forward to our hearing from you. Big Win.

Ronspeed,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 2:

Date: Tue, 10 Mar 2009 19:59:25 +0000
From: barrstar.marcusbruce@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Our Ref: MBC/LC/VOL.i/011/2009

Our Ref: MBC/LC/VOL.i/011/2009
Ditto: 10-03-2009
Your Ref: CHF/BNK/1146/2009

Dear Client,

RE: VERIFICATION:

The above subject matter refers.

We are glad to receive your email concerning your transaction with our client Mrs. Susan Jones and we have verified that you were truly directed by her.

Our duty is to process the necessary Probate Document required to make you her Next Of Kin and also to make sure you claim the money for the assigned project. In this regards we shall give you the bank contact where the money were deposited after procurement of your Probate Document (Letter of Authorization) from the Probate Registry of Royal Court of Justice United Kingdom, which would legally put you in position as her Next Of Kin, thus making you the beneficiary of the fund.

You are here by officially informed to send us the following details information; (1) Your Complete Names (2) Your Resident Address (3) Your Phone & Fax numbers (5) Occupation (4) Age, Sex and Marital Status. The complete requested information would enable us process your Probate Document within 3 working days to make you Mrs. Jones Next Of Kin and also the beneficiary of their funds. Our law office advice you to act fast for the success of this transfer now that she is still alive. Always remember to quote your Reference Number (CHF/BNK/1146/2009) in all your corresponding emails to this office, to avoid complication of information. Thanks for your effort and kindness, have a blessed day.

Barr. Marcus Bruce.
For. MARCUS BRUCE & CO.
+44 703 596 7735

My Reply 3:

Mr. Bruce,

I have listed the requested information below.

1) Scam Grundle tastic
2) 7 Highboy Ct, Middletown, NJ 07701
3) No phone or fax (I only have a cell phone and it was stolen by vandals)
5) Architectural Novelist
4) 28, M, currently on eHarmony

Reference Number: CHF/BNK/1146/2009

Please let me know what other information you need, so we can conclude this transaction before Mrs. Jones dies and her Thetan is taken to the landing station on Venus, where it is programmed with lies, and dumped into another meat body here on Earth.

L. Ron We Trust,
Scamtastic

I Can See Clearly Now, My Brain Is Gone

2009-02-12T15:15:00.001-05:00

Email Scam:

From: llucluc@btconnect.com
Subject: PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 23:08:10 +0100

GOOD DAY.

I don't really know who you are, but peace be unto you as you read this letter. My Instinct tells me that I can trust you by my proposition. I got your contact through Internet directory and My Instinct directed me to send this money to you.

I am a widow and a devoted Christian, my name is Mrs. Linda Lucas from England, married to Christopher Lucas, since my husband died, I have been suffering from arthritics and lately doctors have diagnosed me with terminal cancer which left me with approximately twelve months to live. I am currently on wheelchair and being looked after by a nurse and some of my late husband's relatives in turns.

Before my husband died, he left some money to the tone of Ј2,800,000,00 (Two million, eight hundred thousand Pounds) and he made me promised him that it should be used for humanitarian work, because we have no children and he does not want his brothers to lay hand on it, since they don't believe in God, they have a different vision.

This money is currently in a vault with a deposit company in EUROPE. If you will promise me that you will use this money to achieve the wish of my husband and me, then I will instruct the deposit company to release the funds in your name. Note that I don't speak much due to my illness; I will appreciate if we communicate through email. Reply me through my email address: lindalucas22@hotmail.com for us to discuss so that you can go and claim this money before I die.

May God bless you as you walk in the light and glory.
Thank you.
Yours in Vineyard,
Mrs. Linda Lucas
Email: lindalucas22@hotmail.com

My Reply:

Dear Mrs. Lucas,

Even though I don't really know who you are, my instincts tell me that I can trust you too. You see, I got into a car accident a few months ago and developed psychic abilities after injuring the part of my brain that interferes with psychic message reception.

My doctor said most people have this part switched "on", which causes static on the telepathic "line(s)". But when my head slammed into the dashboard at 70 mph, it somehow switched that part of my brain to the off "station". And now I can clearly hear spirits in my head all the time. Their voices are like beautiful music being played underwater with melodic lyrics about future events. In fact, a few days ago they told me I was going to receive an email about a windfall of money from an Internet stranger. They even mentioned that both your first and last name would start with the same letter. Amazing!

At first I was confused by all this, but my doctor calmly explained that back in caveman times, before our brains "devolved", everyone was able to "tune in" to the "psychic airwaves". This explains how they first learned to use fire and build the wheel. Unfortunately, this eventually lead to the cavemen becoming lazy, since they could see the future and know ahead of time where to stand to avoid dinosaurs and find food. However, in a sick twist of fate, the gene that allowed for psychic abilities also carried the characteristic of extremely tiny phalluses, which eventually caused the adaptation to die off.

That's why I plan to use the money to start a clinic where for a small fee we will do a quick surgical procedure to turn off the psychic interference in people's brains, which has been lying dormant for low these many years. That way everyone can hear the beautiful voices again! Since this is done medically, it would not effect the genes or size of the phallus. I would also use some of the money to lobby the Surgeon General to include this along with circumcision as possible options for parents of newborn babies.

Just now, as I am writing this email, the voices started singing that your husband Chris is watching us from Heaven and that he loves you very much. He is very happy to hear you have cancer, because he says he will get to see you very soon. He also says that you should take the car in to be serviced, because the oil hasn't been changed since he past and your favorite color is purple.

Oh no! The psychic voices just told me that your brother-in-laws are conspiring with your nurse (whose lucky number is 17) to murder you and take the money! You must do exactly what I say or else these Godless heathens will take your husband's money and spend it on freaky fetish porn and abortions! First you must email me a picture of yourself so I can read your psychic vibrations better. Second, you must slip your cancer medication into your nurse's drink. After a week, she will feel sick and have to stay home from work. The nursing agency will send a replacement. Her name will start with a D or T and she will help you get me the money before the old nurse returns. You will only have a few days before the medication will wear off, so please hurry!

Telepathically yours,
Scamtastic

PS - To answer the questions from your next email: Yes. April 23rd, 1972. Orange.

Moldy Georgia Peach

2009-02-07T17:29:00.003-05:00

Email Scam:

From: debramartins@bellsouth.net
Subject: COMPENSATION DEPARTMENT
Date: Fri, 10 Oct 2008 19:34:31 +0100

Dear Friend,

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family? I hope this mail meets you in a perfect condition. I am using this opportunity to thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one reason or the other best known to you. But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the Cheque out of the company to someone else who was capable of assisting me in this great venture.

Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trust worthiness you showed at the course of the transaction I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $850,000.00 ( Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars) I have authorized the finance house where I deposited my money to issue you international certified bank draft cashable at your bank.

My dear friend I will like you to contact the finance house for the collection of this international certified bank draft. The name and contact address of the Person with your Cheque MR. DONALD RAY is as follows.

COMPENSATION DEPARTMENT
CONTACT NAME: MR. DONALD RAY
EMAIL: mr.donaldray@rocketmail.com
CELL PHONE :- 011-234-708-304-5364

At the moment, I am very busy here because of the investment projects which myself and my new partner are having at hand. Finally, remember that I have forwarded instruction to the finance house on your behalf to send the bank draft to you as soon as you contact them without delay. Please I will like you to accept this token with good faith as this is from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks and God bless you and your family.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Your's Faithfully,
Mrs. Debra Martins

My Reply:

Dear Mr. Ray,

I haven't been this excited since 1982 when I was crowned Miss Georgia Peach! Since then, however, my life has gone downhill faster than Peekaboo Street in an avalanche.

I'm a three time divorcee with two estranged, ungrateful daughters. When they were girls we had so much fun competing in beauty pageants together. The makeup, the glitz. I remember being so proud of my little princesses. So I've decided to use the money to start my own beauty pageant. It will be more magnificent than a thousand Cinderella balls!

I have already found my judges. One is a former Miss Teen America and current Atlanta Falcons cheerleader. She's a great role model for the girls and an example of what you can accomplish if you work hard and are really attractive. I, of course, will be the humble Abdul-esque second judge. And the third judge is this guy I met outside the local elementary school. I noticed him staring at the girls with an amazing intensity and writing in a notebook, which I could only assume were critiques on their poise and balance, since he hid their scores before I could see. It's extremely hard to find straight men who show an interest in developing the talent of young girls. Most of the male judges in the industry are swishier than a silk dress in a hurricane. And I don't believe it's possible for a man to accurately judge female beauty if he gets hot and bothered over another man's rumpled foreskin.

After getting this email, I ran down to the Sheraton to reserve their largest conference room. Once I receive the check from you I will be able to buy the sashes, trophies, and tiaras. Then everything will be perfect again.

God bless,
Ms. Scamtastic

The Bad German

2009-02-03T20:22:00.001-05:00

Email Scam:

From: markwellingesq2001@ymail.com
Subject: Please read
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2008 17:18:40 +0100

From: Mark Welling (Welling & Associates, Fulham, London SW6 1RP, United Kingdom).

Dear Friend,

I am Mark Welling, an attorney here in the United Kingdom. I am writing following an oppurtunity in my office that will be of immense benefit to both of us.

I was the legal counsel to the late Mr. Rudolf Haeussler, a German who unfortunately lost his life in the 24 November 2001 Crossair aircraft crash of the 97-seat Jumbolino Avero RJ-100 aircraft en route from Berlin, Germany to Zurich, Switzerland, killing also his wife and only daughter. The aircraft crashed in poor weather conditions as it approached Zurich airport.

Before his death, I assisted him deposit a consignment containing the sum of US$19.1M (Nineteen Million One Hundred Thousand US Dollars) with a financial institution in one of the major cities here in Europe.

Since I got information about his death, I have been expecting his next of kin or relatives to come over and claim his money. Unfortunately I learnt that his supposed next of kin being his only daughter died along with him in the plane crash leaving nobody with the knowledge of this fund behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to do business with you and release the money to you as the next of kin or beneficiary of the funds for safe keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it. I would need you as a Foreigner acting as the next of kin and sole benefactor to the inheritance of late Mr. Rudolf Haeussler to claim the funds for us to share.

There is no risk involved at all in the matter as I am going to adopt a legalized method and prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred, we shall share in the ratio of 60% for me, 35% for you and 5% for any expenses incurred during the course of this operation. Should you be interested, please send me your telephone and fax numbers for easy communication through this email address.

In the event you are not interested, I sincerely ask that you disregard this email and tell no one about it. I am very careful not to truncate my legal career should you mention this to someone else. I hope you can be trusted in this regard.

Please note that all necessary arrangement for the smooth release of these funds to you have been finalised. We will discuss more in details when I do receive your response.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Best regards,
Mark Welling esq.

My Reply:

Mr. Welling Esq,

Thanks for contacting me about my Uncle Rudolf. You see, my family moved from Germany to the US when I was very young. Soon after we arrived, Uncle Rudolf was caught stealing some bread for us and they deported him. We felt guilty about it, so every month we sent him money to make sure he had a good life.

As the years went by, he would consistently mail us these gut-wrenching letters about how he never had enough to eat and couldn't afford the medication to treat the many diseases that he contracted on the boat ride back. So we kept upping the amount. Now it seems that he was pocketing the money and had $19.1M dollars in his bank account!

In one letter, he even told us that the diseases left him hideously disfigured and he was rendered impotent from malnutrition. But obviously this was a lie, as he had a wife and child. To think of all of the simple pleasures my family and I lived without to make sure that "poor" Uncle Rudolf was happy. Excuse my German, but what a crock of shit!

Now I'm not sure how they do things in your country, but here in the US, lawyers do not receive 60% of your inheritance. Especially when I spent my youth wearing my sister's hand-me-downs lederhosen, so Uncle Rudolf could get his "insulin". I recently spoke with my friend who is an attorney specializing in international law and he said that the most you should receive is a 10% finder's fee in addition to your hourly rate. I am willing to pay the additional costs, but I can't imagine that they would amount to 5% of $19.1M. Please send me any receipts and I will pay you whatever is owed.

Angrily nostalgic,
Scamtastic

Millennium Scientific Computer Game

2009-02-03T20:17:00.003-05:00

Email Scam:

From: euro@promo.org
Subject: CALL DAVID COOK FOR YOUR CLAIM TODAY TEL:0034 665 137 121
Date: Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:07:18 +0100

Euro Million lottrey award 2008.
PLAZA DE LA REINA 2
C.P 28090 Madrid.
Spain Branch.Ref. N? ESM/WIN/008/05/10/MA

Batch. N? EULO/2907/444/908/08.YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS WON THE LOTTERY AWARD 2008 AWARDWe wish to congratulate you over your email success in our computer Balloting sweepstake held on 23th AUG 2008. This is a millennium scientific computer game in which email addresses were used.

It is a promotional program aimed at encouraging internet users; therefore you do not need to buy ticket to enter for it. Your email address attached to ticket star number (34234) with 20serial number 51622 drew the EUROMILLION lucky numbers 7-17-20-30-66 which consequently won the draw in the Second category.

You have been approving for the star prize of $1.7M (One Million Seven Hundred Thousand Dollars Only).CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are advised to keep this winning very confidential until you receive your lump prize in your account or optional cheque issuance to you.

This is a protective measure to avoid double claiming by people you may tell as we have had cases like this before, please send your Full Name, Home and Office Tel & Fax Number, Mobile Tel Number and your winning ticket number, reference numbers and amount won information for processing of your winning fund to our registered claim agent in address below:

VASCO SEGUROS SA
Dr. Cook David
Address: Avda .Del Castellon 42
Madrid Spain.
TEL:0034 665 137 121
E-mail:davidcook0@info.lt

Be informed that the appointed agent will be required to swear affidavits of lotto claim also remember, all winning must be claimed not later than 30th AUGUST, 2008. Please note, in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, remember to quote your reference number and batch number in all correspondence.

Furthermore, should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible. Once again congratulations. Your email address has brought to you this expected luck. Mrs. Maria Burgos

Pedro De La Ros Martinez Mark,
(Lottery coordinator)

My Reply:

Dear Mr. Cook,

I am an elderly woman and just tried my first Internet today. I have to say it is a little overwhelming. I have already received so many mails from people I do not know.

When I was a child I thought the radio was high technology. I remember listening to the Amos & Andy Show every day after school. Of course, now we know they were horrible racists. But those were different times. If I would have told my father that one day I would vote for a black President, he would have slapped my mouth and told me that's why they will never give women the right to vote. I am sure he is spinning in his grave right now.

Since I am new to this, I do not know what is a millennium scientific computer game. I am definitely encouraged to use the Internet, especially now that I know I can win money. Unfortunately, do not have any family to share the money. Maybe I will become a sugar momma to some young stud! I think Joy Behar calls them "cougars".

I promise not to tell anyone until I get the money. I am a very private person and you can trust me on this.

Please call me at KLondike 5-3247. Give me a hour to get home though as I am currently at my local library. I hope it is not a problem, but I do not have a touch tone phone. I live in Brooklyn, NY at 7 Oak St. You can send the check there. If you need to bring one of those extra large novelty checks for a photo, I should meet you out on the street, as my hallways are very narrow.

Decrepitly yours,
Ms. Scamtastic

An Arm For An Arm

2009-02-02T18:33:00.003-05:00

Email Scam:

Date: Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:58:08 +0000
From: davidfeels@optonline.net
Subject: Good Day

Good Day
I am Mr. David Sek-chi Kwok, Chief Executive and Managing Director of the Shanghai Commercial and Savings Bank, Ltd. I have a business suggestion for you.

Gen. Hussein Ali Youssef who was with the Iraqi Army and also businessman made a fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, in a value of Twenty one million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only in my branch. Several maturities notice was sent to him, before the war which began in 2003. Also after the war another notification was sent and no response came from him. We later found out that the General along with his wife and only daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.

After more inquiry it was also discovered that this General did not declare any next of kin in his official papers. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank.

I want you to know that I have everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. There is no risk involved at all in this matter, as we are going to adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents.

Should you be interested send me the following; Full names, private phone number, current residential address and I prefer you reach me on my private email address below after which I shall provide you with more details on this operation.

Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.

Kind Regards,
Mr. David Sek-chi Kwok.
Email: (davsckwok@yahoo.com.hk)

My Reply:

Mr. David,

In 2006, my son joined the Marines and was sent to Iraq. Then two weeks ago he was sent home, minus one arm. The government won't pay for an artificial limb, because they claim he was high on qualudes and got run over by his own Humvee. Ever since he got his dishonorable discharge, he's been sitting around the house feeling sorry for hisself.

But now fate has intervened and paid us back! I'm not saying I'd willingly trade his arm for $21M, but the Lord works in mysterious ways and far be it from me to question him. I've already decided to use some of the money to buy him one of those robotic arms from the Terminator movie. I put it on layaway as soon as I got your email. He's gonna love it! Plus, I have bad arthritis and can't open my jars of mayo. I'm sure one of those bad boys will pop'em open like a girl on prom night.

781 Lakeside Terrace
Saratoga, FL 32189

I recently dropped my cell phone in the toilet and tried to dry it in the microwave. Hopefully, I will be able to buy a new one with my Iraqi money. Until then, please contact me at this email address.

Semper Fi,
Scamtastic

再见

2009-01-30T22:28:00.002-05:00

Email Scam:

From: Yonggi Cho (hsbaccountmanagerofficer@yahoo.com.hk)
Sent: Tue 10/07/08 6:35 PM

Hang Seng Bank Ltd,
Yau Tsim Mong Branch,
One Grand Tower G/F,
639 Nathan Road
Kowloon West, Hong Kong Island
Website; www.hangseng.com.hk

Dear Mr/Mrs,
Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr.Yonggi Cho director of operations of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I will need you to assist me in executing this Business Project from Hong Kong to your country.Twenty millions United State Dollars only in my branch.

Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue. Once the funds have been transferred to your nominated bank account we shall then share in the ratio of 60% for me, 40% for you. If you are interested please send me your Full names: Private phone number: Current residential address: Finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this operation. And I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below Email:

hsbaccountmanagerofficer@yahoo.com.hk

Kind Regards,
Mr Yonggi Cho

My Response:

Mr. Cho,

I'm not what you'd call a book learner. However, I'm also not street smart or handsome. But I do know one thing, and that is Orientals is good with money. Or was it the Jews? I don't remember exactly what Pappy said because I'm drunk, but I'm pretty sure he said you're good at numbers because your squinty eyes helped you concentrate in school, while my round eyes were better for taking out the trash and mowing the lawn.

The only thing I want to know is who gets the additional 10%?

I don't have a phone as it is the work of the Devil. My current address is PO Box 114, Birmingham, Alabama. And to answer your question, yes, I live in alley behind the post office.

Please provide me with details of the secret operation. And use smaller words as "endeavor", "utmost", and "discretion" confuse me.

再见
Scamtastic

What A Country!

2009-01-30T21:54:00.001-05:00

Email Scam:

From: spaul030@umn.edu
Subject: development project
Date: Thu, 4 Dec 2008 04:59:14 –0600

Dear Friend,

Good day to you, I am representing a major company CEO in Russia. He has given me a very sensitive and private brief to ask for your partnership to re-profile legitimately accrued funds well over fifty million euros for a pipeline/transportation development project in the US.

I will give the details, but in summary, the funds are coming via a bank in western europe, and this is a very legitimate request. You will be paid 8% for your management fees",if I am able to reach agreeable terms with you.

If this would interest you, please write me back by email and provide me with your telephone number, and private email address and I will provide further details. I wish for you to have this request as private as much as possible; we can not afford any political problems in our country.

Write me back only at my secured email; alexander.torchilin@rambler.ru for an early response.

Thank you very much i look forward to it.

Alexander Torchilin.

My Reply:

Mr. Torchilin,

What part of Russia are you from? I live in Alaska and might be able to see you from my house. I have never been to your country, but have wanted to go ever since I saw Yakov Smirnoff say, "In the United States, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the Party finds you! " Now that sounds like a fun place to live! However, my wife and I raise champion sled dogs for the Iditarod, which is a full-time job and leaves little room for vacations. It's hard work, but I couldn't imagine my life without those bitches.

In Alaska we get money from the oil companies, because our Governor allowed them to penetrate their dirty pipeline deep within our beautiful territory. So before I get involved with you, I want to know where you would like to lay your dirty pipe.

I know they do things differently over there. Like Yakov said, "Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with other men. There is a three year waiting list." Here in America, we treat homosexuality the same as bestiality. And what a man, a woman, a Costco-sized jar of Peter Pan peanut butter, and 20 sled dogs does is there own private business and should have nothing to do with waiting lists or prisons.

Unfortunately, our telephone hasn't worked since Mr. Fluffles chewed through the wire and was electrocuted. We have tried to contact the phone company, but live 45 minutes from the nearest town, and our carrier pigeons keep freezing. So in the meantime, you should feel free to contact me at this address.

Hopefully Jesus will freeze the Bering Strait again, and me and my dogs can come and see you.

What a country,
Scamtastic

Three's Company

2009-01-30T20:47:00.002-05:00

Email Scam:

Date: Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:14:52 +0530
From: fmrswaziri@yahoo.in
Subject: PLS CONTACT PASTOR FOR DRAFT

my dear friend From Paul Iwu Abacha.Son of the former Head State General Sunny Abacha.It's has been long I heard from you. Well, I just want to use this medium to thank you very much for your earlier assistance to help me in receiving the funds,without any positive out come.Iam obliged to inform you that I have succeeded in receiving the funds with the help of anew partner from Paraguay.Everythng was perfectly done because we strike a deal with one of the lady accountant who works with the federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) and she rendered atremendous help to us.My new partner initiated this idea and everything worked out successfully.In appreciation of your earlier assistance to me in receiving the Funds.I have decided to compensate you with the sum of in a Cashier's$850,000 cheque (Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars).This is from my own share. I did this simply to show you that it is good to do goodthings to the right people always. Presently, I am in Paraguay forinvestment project with my own share under the advice of my partner.Meanwhile, I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those fund despite that it failed us some how. I will be sending you e-mail from time to time to know if you haver received your share or not.Now contact my Pastor in Nigeria Pastor Chris Okotie, his e-mail address is (pchrisokotie@yahoo.co.jp)Please do let me know immediately if you receive it so that we can share thejoy together after all the suffering at that time. In the moment,I am very busy here in Paraguay because of theinvestment projects,which the new partner and I are having at hand so fill free to get in touch with young Fednard to send the cheque to you without any delay.Nb: You will send only $135 dollars to Pastor to post out your draft to you.With My Best Regards,Paul Iwu Abacha.

My Reply:

Mr. Abacha,

I appreciate you using this medium to thank me for helping you not get your positive outcome. Your welcome.

I'm also happy to hear that you have a new partner. However, you should know that Wikipedia reports, "Paraguay is currently the world's largest exporter of Liars." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraguay) And why would the nice people at Wikipedia lie? Unless they're Paraguayian! Don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm relieved to know that you are working with a lady accountant and that everything was perfectly done. Contrary to popular belief, I believe women make the best number crunchers. Furthermore, if you catch them embezzling, you can usually blackmail them into having sex with you, which is atremendous help.

I also appreciate you teaching me a valuable lesson. I used to do bad things to the right people. And then someone gave me a cashier's check for $400,000 (Four Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) and convinced me to do bad things to the wrong people. But with your money and, dare I say, wisdom, I finally understand that the correct path is doing good things to the right people, always.

When should I expect the money? All of the wrong people that I did the bad things to are looking for me. I had to spend all of my money avoiding them, but I am hoping that your check will allow me to put this behind me. Maybe I'll come down to Paraguay to see you! They'll never find me there! We can live together doing investment projects and good things to the right people for the rest of our days! It will be like Three's Company. You'll be Chrissy, your partner can be Jack, and I'll be Janet (since I'm short and have dark hair). If your landlord doesn't approve, we'll just tell him that Jack is para-gay. Oh, the hilarious misunderstandings that will ensue!

I'm not really sure why you want me to contact your Pastor, Chris Okotie, in Nigeria or why you want me to share the joy of our previous suffering, but I'm sure all that will all be explained once we are lounging on one of the many Paraguayian beaches. Please ask young Fednard to be quick with the money. Tell him he can take the $135 out of my share. Hell, make it $150 for his trouble. He must have had a rough life with that name and an extra $15 is the least I can do.

Come and knock on my door,
Scamtastic

Utterly Ridiculous

2008-11-14T15:52:00.003-05:00

Email Scam:

Utterly Confidential..‏
From: Anthony Aka (tonycn101@gmail.com)
Sent: Wed 10/29/08 3:02 PM

Hi,

Pardon me for not having the pleasure of knowing your mindset before making you this offer and it is utterly confidential and genuine by virtue of its nature.I write to solicit your assistance in a funds transfer deal involving US$ 3.5M.This fund has been stashed out of the excess profit made last year by my branch office the International Commercial Bank which I am the manager.

I have already submitted an approved end of the year report for the year 2005 to my head office here in Accra-Ghana and they will never know of this excess. I have since then, placed this amount on a Non-Investment Account without a beneficiary.

Upon your response, I will configure your name on our database as holder of the Non-Investment Account. I will then guide you on how to apply to my head office for the Account Closure/ bank-to-bank remittance of the funds to your designated bank account.

If you concur with this proposal, I intend for you to retain 30% of the funds while 70% shall be for me.

Kindly forward your response to: akatony101@verizon.net
Mobile: +233-24-468-5072
With Regards,
Anthony Aka

My Reply:

Tony,

As the Manager, you probably already know I have significant funds in the International Commercial Bank. And I have to say, that as a customer, I am worried that you are just now approving the end of year report for 2005. That’s three years ago!

I also don’t know what it means for a business to have “excess” profit? And why wouldn’t you put the money in an Investment Account? You’re a bank! If you’re not willing to invest your excess profits in yourself, why should anyone else?

I am glad you wrote to me though, as I was charged an extra ATM fee on last month’s statement. If you can please send me a check for the $2.50 ATM fee, I will be happy to assist you with your $3.5M transfer.

I promise to keep my mindset utterly confidential.

By virtue of my nature,
Scamtastic

Year of the Pig

2008-09-26T11:14:00.002-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: info
Date: Mon, 22 Sep 2008 22:24:48 +0200
From: s.f.marang@freeler.nl

I AM MR. Yonggi Cho A CITIZEN OF HONG KONG WORKING WITH Hang Seng Bank . I HAVE A BUSINESS PROPOSITION FOR YOU.

PLEASE AND PLEASE DO NOT BE EMBARASED,I AM SEEKING
YOUR ATTENTION TO HELP ME TRANSFER THE SUM OF (Twenty MILLION DOLLARS). If you will be so kind enough to grant me the permission, I will be glad to give the details.MOREOVER, I AM WILLING TO OFFER YOU 40% OF THE TOTAL SUM AS COMPENSATION FOR YOUR EFFORT/INPUT AFTER THE SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT OVERSEAS. PLEASE REPLY AT yonggicho@hotmail.com

My Reply:

Mr. Cho,

I have much respect for the Chinese culture. (I'm bowing now) I'm not one of those troglodites who actually thinks that you eat dogs. In fact, last month I even borrowed a book from the library to learn how to do oragami. Hank, my friend, told me oragami was the Chinese word for multiple orgasms, but I found out it's just folding paper. They are both very relaxing though.

Ever since then, I have submerged myself in the Chinese culture, eating your food like 4 times a week. I love MSG! Hank asked me who in their right mind eats Chinese food two days in a row. I answered about a billion Chinese people! (High five!)

I'm also really impressed by the Chinese work ethic. It's amazing to me that your generals and emperors are able to win wars and build great walls, while still having time to whip up some pretty tasty chicken dishes.

Hopefully, I'll be able to use this money to visit your country and order the best Number 24 with fried rice that I've ever had.

Please and please write back to me and tell me what to do. I promise not to be embarrassed.

Happy year of the Pig!
Scamtastic

Finances In Fetu

2008-09-01T12:54:00.004-04:00

Email Scam:

Dear Selected Winner Contact Our Assigned Claims Agent Via Email: winninngesverificationunit@yahoo.com‏
From: Mukherjee, Sushant (sushant@wharton.upenn.edu)
Sent: Mon 9/01/08 5:37 AM

GSM GLOBAL MOBILE Award SWEEPSTAKES PROMOTION.
CALLE CLAUDIO COELLO 41,28001
BARCELONA,SPAIN.
Reference: SP/CN435/663/6
Batch: Gsm/N92/05/ZY369

Congratulations!!!

On behalf of UK)/SPANISH GSM'S Staffs we hereby Congratulates you on your email success in our computer balloting has won you the Sum of €350,000.00 Euros (Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euro) on the ongoing UK/SPANISH GSM PROMOTION held on 26th August 2008. We have been sending this notice to you but this is the last as we are about distributing winnings to winners. The draw was done electronically with several email addresses provided to this office by Microsoft to enhance the utilization of the internet. Your email address was attached to Reference Number SP/CN435/663/6 and was picked as one of the ten winning email addresses which made you one of our winners in the month of August.

This has qualified you to claim the total cash prize Of €350,000.00 Euros (Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euro). Attached to your cash price is a N95 Series 3G Gsm/Nokia mobile phone, and your winning certificate in cash credited to file KTU/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of €3,500,000 Euros shared amongst the first ten (10) lucky winners in this category B. Therefore you do not need to buy ticket to enter for it. Your winnings will be issued to you as soon as you contact our Spanish division for the release of your funds from our claims department.You are advised to contact our claims department via these details: Your winnings will be issued to you as soon as our claims department verify your winning after you might have filled this payment processing form that is below.

Claims Processing Form. (Fill And Send To The Assigned Claims Agent)

Full Name:
Age:
Occupation:
Address:
Phone No.:
Mobile No.:
COUNTRY:
Winning Email Address:

ASSIGNED CLAIMS AGENT: Dr Michael Anderson
E-mail: winninngesverificationunit@yahoo.com
FOR MORE INFO CALL Tel:+34-691-946-039

Note: You are advised to contact ONLY your claims agent in all matters regarding your win. Do not respond to this email as it is only an automated notification to alert you of your winnings. Should there by any change of your email address, please notify your claims agent immediately. Once again, congratulations from us.Quote Your Reference Number as SP/CN435/663/6 when you are filing for your claims. Congratulations once
More from all our members of Staff.

Yours Sincerely
Mrs Mukherjee Sushant.
(Online Promo Co-coordinator).

My Reply:

Dear Dr. Anderson,

Yay! I won some money! So anyway, what kind of doctor are you? Did you get your PhD in lottology or are you an MD? I was just curious, because I've got this nasty mole on my right side a few inches under my arm pit. It's about the size of three large bing cherries. It's starting to freak me out, because it's grown a tooth and is constantly asking me to feed it blood of the innocent. My question for you doctor, is if the mole turns out to be a subsumed twin, do I have to share the money I've won with him? I mean he's already been mooching off me for 30 years, isn't that enough? Please let me know what I should do.

Taciturnly yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

Fund Release Form Fill And Send Via Email To Us For Verification.‏
From: Gsm Mobile Sweepstakes Promo (winninngesverificationunit@yahoo.com)
Sent: Mon 9/01/08 12:41 PM

GSM GLOBAL MOBILE Award SWEEPSTAKES PROMOTION.
CALLE CLAUDIO COELLO 41,28001
BARCELONA,SPAIN.
Reference: SP/CN435/663/6
Batch: Gsm/N92/05/ZY369

Dear: Winner,

PAYMENT SCHEME FORM NOTIFICATION OF PAYMNET.

Good to hear from you regarding the GSM MOBILE SWEEPSTAKES, (Dr. Michael Anderson) the assigned GSM Cash officer. In line with the commemorating event marking our N95 GSM Mobile Anniversary. For our N95 GSM Mobile Anniversary Draws. As you already know, all participants for the online version were selected randomly from the World Wide Web through a computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations and corporate bodies that are listed online and each email address was attached to a ticket number.

Your email address was attached to ticket number: 56475600545188 with lucky Serial number: 21-34-10-12 was selected which automatically makes you one of our lucky winners as part of International Promotions Program, which is conducted annually in Central Europe . And you and nine others emerged lucky winners of €350,000.00 (Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Euros) each, from a grand total of €3,500,000.00.You are in order to begin in the transfer process required to fill the form and send back Via mail to us promptly as the information provided by you will aid the quick and protected transfer. As soon as you send us your information through an Email your Winning Fund will be released to you without any delay from our Office.

CLAIMS VERIFICATION / FUND RELEASE FORM

FULL NAME:
FULL ADDRESS:
SEX:
AGE:
OCCUPATION:
TEL:
MOBILE NO:
FAX NO IF ANY:
COUNTRY:
AMOUNT WON:

I await your prompt reply so that necessary steps can be taken to ensure the remittance of your winnings to you in due time. Congratulations once again, please call after receiving this Email.

Regards,
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Michael Anderson
TEL: +34-691-946-039

Copyright ©2008 GSM. All rights reserved.

My Reply 2:

Coming soon...

Thou Art A Rogue

2008-08-30T13:41:00.003-04:00

Email Scam:

Attn:
In regards to our Recent Online electronic draw.Be informed that your email attached to Refrence number (NKD-11-20-27-35-44-2-5) has subsequently won you $1,000,000 USD.
For More Details and for Prize Claims,

Contact Sir Alex Webster : webster03@live.com
Tel: +44 7031931577
Congratulations!!
Suhaila(Secretary)
National Lottery Inc.

My Reply:

Sir Alex,

This is a great day! Not only do I get to email my first real knight, but I've also won a million dollars! I'm so excited that I'm genuflecting as I write this! Wouldnst thou perchance lend me the knowledge for what sacred documents I shall procure in order to partake in thee goodly treasure?

Yours in service,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

From: Sir Alex Webster (webster03@live.com)
Sent: Tue 8/05/08 3:25 PM

THE NATIONAL LOTTERY
Abbey Street Lower, Dublin 1, Ireland(Customer Services)
Tel: +44 7031931577

FILL AND RETURN THE B6 FORM DETAILS.

Thanks for your reply. National Lottery Sweepstakes would like to notify you that Your email address attached to Reference Number(NKD-11-20-27-35-44-2-5) was Picked as One Of the Five Winning email Addresses recipients of a cash sum of US$1,000,000.00 in the National Lottery Sweepstakes Draw.

Congratulations for being one of the lucky winners of this year National lottery program. You don't have to purchase a ticket to enter this lottery; your email indicating you as a winner in the lottery programs held by the NATIONAL LOTTERY was received. Your email address was selected through the Computer ballot system drawn from over 25,000,000 company and 40,000,000 individual email addresses, your email address attached to a single ticket was found as one of the lucky email address that emerge from the first category to have won the sum of 1,000,000.00 US$ (One Million Dollars only), the information was passed to you by the lottery coordinator to ensure that we are in contact with the rightful owner of the winning email address to avoid double claiming.

To commence on the processing of your Winning Prize as your claim agent, fill in the details below for the claim B6 application form and send it back to us by email.
Details Required for the B6 Form.

Full Name of Beneficiary:
Contact Address:
Telephone Number:
Fax Number:
Occupation:
Sex:
Age:
Nationality:
City/State:
Marital Status:
Lottery Ref Number:
Ticket Number:
Winner's Email Address:

Provide the Details ASAP.

WINNING INFORMATIONS
Reference Number (NK D- 11-20-27-35-44-2-5),
Serial Number POT-2 1-32-37-49-60-8,
Lucky Numbers 12-5-16-20-9-32,
Batch Number DTK-38-5-13-4 4-18-49
Ticket Number 33-41-73-93-22-11
The Details must be completed and return back to us and the processing of your claim will be completed soonest four and subsequently you will receive the total sum of 1,000,000.00 US$ (One million Dollars only). Good luck.

Best Regards,
SIR ALEX WEBSTER
PAYMENT DIRECTOR
NATIONAL LOTTERY

My Reply 2:

Good Sir Knight,

After reading thy decree, I suspect thou mightest be a black knight, sir. And I do not refer to the Martin Lawrence witchcraft of our Lord's year 2001, but rather the color of thoust cutpurse soul. I thunk to thineself, why wouldst thou King seeth to giveth a lowly rapscallion like thyself such a princely sum? Nay, he wouldnst! Does thou thinketh that thy wokest up so early in the morrow that I wouldnst discover the trickery of such a knave! How darest thou, sir! Thou asketh for thine contact information as if thy werest a tosspot wench who would showest thine undergarments for a piece of fresh cheese. You are a scoundrel and a carbuncle! Now I pray you to leave me be whilst I use this magic box to procure me some paintings of lovely maidens in the privy.

Fare thee well,
Scamtastic

Controversial Treatments

2008-08-08T10:11:00.004-04:00

Email Scam:

Greetings,

I am requesting for your assistance in a business transaction. I work as a director of projects in the department of minerals and energy here Pretoria,South Africa. I represent a four member committee vested with the responsibility of contracts evaluation.

We will require you to fill an application form that we shall submit to our country's justice department for the transfer of right and privilege of the former contractor to your name.The actual contract cost has been paid to the original contractor,leaving the balance of the inflated ($27,000,000.00 ) mentioned above which we want to legally obtain approval from the appropriate government authorities and our apex bank for disbursement.

I will give the details of how we intend to proceed, this is a legitimate transaction. You will be paid 15% for your management fees; if I am able to reach terms with you.

If you are interested, please write me back and provide me with your full names, tel/cell numbers and I will provide details. Keep this close to you we are still serving the government.

Regards,

Mr. Ramsey Nkosi.

My Reply:

Mr. Nkosi,

It must be in the stars! You're from Pretoria and I'm suffering from progeria. That's the disease where your body ages at a super accelerated rate. Usually we don't live past the age of 13, but with treatment I've managed to live longer than anyone else. I just celebrated my 19th birthday a few weeks ago and I'm told I don't look a day older than 134.

I could really use the money, because the treatments are very expensive. The medicine is made from a special chemical that is released during a teenage male's first ejaculation. Scientists recently learned that the chemical is stored in the appendix and once released let's the body know that you are now a man. It's also why no matter hard you try you can never make it feel as good as it did the first time. So as you can imagine, it's extremely controversial and costly to extract.

I am very interested in the money, but one of the side effects of the treatment is that it gives me terrible laryngitis. Because of this, I would prefer to do correspond via email rather than over the telephone. The sooner, the better, as every day for me is like six of your human days.

Impatiently yours,
Scamtastic

PS - What minerals and energy do you oversee?

Sloppy Research

2008-08-04T10:29:00.002-04:00

Email Scam:

BUSINESS PROPOSAL

Advocate Loyen Van Smith
Loyens & Smith NV.
Fred. Roeskestraat 202,
P.O. Box 71170 1008 AE
Leiden,

Netherlands

.
Email:barrloyensmith@aim.com
E-mail:loyensmithchambers@yahoo.com

Good day.

I am Advocate Loyen Van Smith,A senior legal practitioner and partner with the Loyens and Smith law Chambers in Leiden Netherland.

I wish to know if we can work together on a very important proposal I am about to introduce to you.

I would like you to stand as the beneficiary to my deceased client Mrs. Rachel Janosik, who made some deposit of Ђ19.700, 000 (Ninety Million Seven Hundred Thousand Euros} with the ING BANK [http://www.ingbank.nl]here in Amsterdam Netherland,Before her demise.

You can visit this web site to confirm my information's to you at ALASKA AIRLINE FLIGHT 261. http://www.cnn.com/2000/US/02/01/alaska.airlines.list/

She died without any registered next of kin, Because she moved to the

United States Of America

years back before this accident,and as such the funds now have an open beneficiary mandate. And the bank has being writing me all this while,Because they recognize me as her lawyer back here, And they have requested I try and locate any of her beneficiary to come for this funds.As that is the policy here in the Netherlands.

For years now I have been unsuccessful in locating any of her relatives and so have decided to seek other means to transfer this fund. I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased. I agree to pay you 30% of the fund as the account owner, 60% would be for me.While we would set aside 10% for settling any expenses we make during this transaction.

I have all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make at the bank,And with my status covers every other aspect.

So please if you are interested in doing this with me, Do respond to me via my personal Email:barrloyensmith@aim.com,So that I can give you more comprehensive details on what we are to do, And discuss further modalities, On how we can have this funds released and wired into your designated bank account, before my meeting with you for the disbursement of the fund .

Please you need to keep this transaction confidential, Until we have successfully transferred this funds into your designated bank account.

Awaiting your urgent and positive response.

Yours Sincerely.
Advocate Loyen Van Smith

My Reply:

Dear Douchebag,

I followed the link you sent to confirm the identity of your deceased client and I am curious how "Rachel Janosik, 20, of Enumclaw, Washington. Horizon Air food and beverage agent, based in Seattle" would have made a deposit of Ninety Million Seven Hundred Thousand Euros with the ING BANK.

In addition, you claim that your client has no registered next of kin, when a quick search of her name comes up with the following quote from her grieving brother, "'She was really getting into traveling,' said her brother, Matt, 18. 'We just got her a set of luggage for Christmas.'"
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2000/02/01/national/main155348.shtml

I am pretty sure he would be interested hearing about his sister's will, considering she must have been living a secret double life. It's amazing that she worked as an air and food agent in Seattle and also lived in the Netherlands with 97,700,000EU in the bank. Quite a life for a 20-year old. She was probably super spy for the government and the airline job was just a cover.

C’mon, do you really think I’m stupid enough to believe that?! Why don’t you just go pack another bowl of hash and leave the email scams to the professionals. At least the Nigerians have the courtesy to do their research. I mean on the same list of the deceased where you found Rachel Janosik you can find: “Larry Baldridge Jr. of Novato, California, was a savvy businessman taking advantage of the Internet boom. He began to set up a venture capital business with Michael Schwab, the son of legendary brokerage leader Charles Schwab.” Now that is someone who might have deposited a large sum of money in a foreign bank. Sloppy, sloppy work. You’re never going to make it in the scamming industry unless you start to take pride in what you do.

That being said, it is a lot of money, and just in case it’s all true I would be interested in discussing further modalities. Please let me know.

Thanks,

Scamtastic

Federal Bureau of Irony

2008-08-02T17:12:00.009-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: FBI OFFICIAL APPROVAL LETTER From: FBI Seattle Division (steven.dean@fbi.seattle.gov)
Sent: Sun 6/15/08 12:57 PM
Reply-to: efcc-desk@live.com
Federal Bureau of Investigation FBI Seattle Division 1110 Third Avenue Seattle, Washington 98101-2904

Payment Code: R5109176K
Date: June 15, 2008

The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has discovered through our intelligence Monitoring Network, that you have an on going transaction with a Financial Institution in Nigeria, as the owner of the said sum $7.5 Million United States Dollar.

Therefore, the FBI Seattle Division in conjunction with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Has screened through our various Monitoring Networks and has been confirmed and notified that the transaction you have with the Financial Institution is Legal and you have the Lawful Right to claim your due fund. We advise you to go ahead with the transaction as we are monitoring all their services and networks.

Be advised that any letter or claims notification received from anybody or company should be forwarded to us with immediate effect. Meanwhile, you are advised to follow the procedure of the Financial Institution. They have their own legal procedure which we have examined and confirmed legal. Follow their instructions while you keep us updated for more details. You are advised to contact the necessary office for more details of transfer as we are monitoring every move now.

Please, be advised and be aware that your funds had been insured and the necessary charges would be taken care of by you, as confirmed by the Monitoring network. For your own good you are advised to confirm any transaction or lottery promo you have either involved yourself with in the past to enable us trace this scammers. Only the Financial Institution has been confirmed Legal any other are still under investigation, and so many others are scam, most especially from Nigeria and Africa.

Contact the EFCC Public Relations Officer Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde with your Payment Code: R5109176K in regards to more details on your funds.

Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde (Public Relations Officer)
Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)
15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos 23401 Nigeria.
Phone: +234 1 213 2126
Fax: +234 1 213 0184
E-mail: efcc-desk@live.com

If you need to contact me at any stage please do not hesitate to call (206) 350-6981.

Sincerely,
Steven M. Dean (Assistant Special Agent-in-Charge)
Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI)

My Reply:

Mr. Lamorde,

It's days like today when I'm reminded just how lucky I am to be an American. I know you are from Nigeria and will never fully understand what it means to love your country, but I am filled with so much pride right now that I could burst. When the Patriot Act was first enacted, my heart swelled with bloody tears of joy, because I knew that even though I was giving up some freedom of privacy, I was gaining the loving embrace that only a faceless government agency could provide. And even then, I thought they'd only monitor emails for terrorist activities. I certainly never, in my wildest dreams, imagined that they'd have the time to screen individual financial opportunities. Even though I've never gotten one, I've heard that most of these emails are scams, but it's comforting to know that the FBI has already taken the trouble to confirm it's legitimacy and legality.

Since I have been pre-approved by my own government, I am prepared to follow all necessary instructions. I'm also glad that they are monitoring this transaction from what I can only assume is a cool bunker somewhere in a secret mountain. (Can I get a tour of the bunker?) Sorry, that was to them.

Please let me know what I need to do to get the money.

So psyched,
Scamtastic

PS - Do you think I have to tip the FBI agent? If so, what is the proper amount?

Scam Reply:

From: Ibrahim Lamorde (efcc-desk@live.com)
Sent: Thu 6/19/08 9:07 AM
Reply-to: barrjamesmichael@live.com
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission 15A Awolowo Road, Ikoyi, Lagos 23401 Nigeria.
LEGALIZATION OF FUND TRANSFER DOCUMENTS
Payment Code: R5109176K

Attention: Scamtastic,

Thank you for contacting the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC).

We acknowledge the receipt of your email forwarded to us by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). However, after thorough verification and scrutiny of your information you have been found qualified to receive the sum of $7,500,000.00 USD (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars).

To effect and carry out the directives given, you are advise to stop further communication with any individual or company in regards to this fund as all payment will be carried out through this office, this is to secure your transaction against fraudulent activities.

We shall proceed to conclude the payment process of your fund by opening a claim file for you. As a foriegn beneficiary you will be required to legalize all your documents in order to instruct the Central Bank of Nigeria to credit your account with the sum of $7,500,000.00 USD.

1. TRANSFER APPROVAL CERTIFICATE
2. LEGALIZATION OF NON-RESIDENTIAL DOCUMENTS
However, it is your option to hire a lawyer or an agent to assist you in court. (An agent will not be provided by the court.) This person can sum up the case on your behalf.

Below is the Information of the lawyer to enable you contact him for the process:

SILVERMAN SHERLIKER LLP (Solicitors) Contact person: Barrister James Michael
Telephone: +234 803 223 4921
E-mail: barrjamesmichael@live.com

After the endorsement of your documents and all requirements of the High Court has been provided, your file will be passed across to the Central Bank of Nigeriak and you will be contacted for your fund transfer immediately.

All rights of any client to this claim maybe be denied if the release document is not signed in accordance with the provision of the promotions regulatory Authorities.

If you need to contact me at any stage please do not hesitate to call or send me an e-mail.

Yours in service,
Mr. Ibrahim Lamorde (Public Relations Officer)
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)

My Reply 2:

Mr. Michael,

First off, I just want to thank you for what you are doing. You see, my grandmother recently got swindled by email scammers and lost most of her retirement money. And while there was nothing we could do to get it back from those bastards, the kind people at the EFCC did everything they could to help, and I will always be grateful.

Because of the scam, my family has had to make sacrifices to pay for my grandmother's expensive and unusual medical treatments. This has caused our normal cheery outlook on life to become irrevocably damaged. My grandmother always taught us to stay positive, no matter what life throws at you. But after this incident with the email scam, she has turned into a real "Negative Nancy", cursing like a sailor and complaining that she's living in her own private hell on Earth. It's really bumming us out.

When I received the letter from the FBI, I was relieved to discover that positive energy was coming back into our lives and karma was on our side once again! I'm sure I don't have to tell you that there are many Nigerian "419" crimes on the Interweb, so it's good to know an organization like the EFCC exists, to protect the good citizens of the world from your horrible, horrible people.

I'm sure your country is filled with swindlers and shysters who are just waiting to take an honest, hard-working man's money. So it's also assuring to hear that the EFCC has already pre-approved you as a reputable lawyer. It's nice to know that everything is being taken care of for me, so I don't have to worry. Please tell me what I have to do next. I can't wait to see my grandmother's semi-paralyzed face when she hears about the 7.5 million dollars! Thanks!

Positively yours,
Scamtastic

PS - I know you don't have many rights in your country, but is attorney/client privledge one of them? You see, I have a lot of stuff to get off my chest, but I can't afford a psychiatrist and I'm not Catholic, so I would feel awkward going to confessional. Let me know. Thanks again!

Scam Reply 2:

SILVERMAN SHERLIKER LLP (Solicitors)
ADDRESS: 70 PARK LANE, APAPA, LAGOS, NIGERIA 23401
Telephone: +234 8053369394
E-mail: barrjamesmichael@live.com

Dear Scamtastic,

Your engagement notice refers.

This is to respond to the receipt of an engagement notice; having made preliminary findings on your fund transfer from the Central Bank of Nigeria valued at the sum of $7.5 Million USD. For me to have sufficient mandate and authority to function as your representative probate attorney, I request that you make a non-refundable application fee of $50.00 USD send me the listed information below:

1. Your Name: 2. Address: 3. Occupation: 4. Marital Status: 5. Age: 6. Country: (Present Location) 7. Nationality: 8. Telephone: 9. Fax number: (if any)

As your representative probate attorney, I will have to travel to the High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja to obtain the Transfer Approval Certificate and Legalise your Non-Residential Document on your behalf. The Federal High Court will decide on what it will cost to issue the certificate in your favour. I will let you know the exact amount it will cost you as soon as submit your payment file to the Federal High Court. My willingness to accept your brief, it is essential for us to establish from onset that my travelling allowance including the cost of obtaining the documents from the Federal High Court will be paid by you. Whereas my professional service fee will be paid in full at the end of execution of brief.

As for my professional service fee, by the release of your fund, I will communicate my banking details
for the outright payment of my service fee which is 2% out of the total value of your fund. I will
appreciate your steadfastness so that I can put this brief to rest as soon as possible.

Thanks for your patronage; I am committed to rendering you the best of my professional service.

Yours in service,
Barr. James Michael.

My Reply 3:

Mr. Michael,

Thanks again for taking my case I've had my fair trouble with the law and unfortunately I had to learn the hard way that representing yourself isn't always the best defense. I think I must've seen "A Time To Kill" too many times, because I asked the jury to close their eyes and imagine a girl. Then I described horrible things that a redneck did to her. Then, through tears, I asked them to imagine it was a black girl. I have to say that it didn't go over well, considering I was in court about a traffic ticket. Whoever said that the best defense is being offensive was completely wrong! But just like my grandmother always says, "A frog in the bush is worth two donkeys come winter."

1. Your Name: Scamtastic
2. Address: 178 Very Special Blossom Highway, Queens, NY 11426
3. Occupation: IRS Agent
4. Marital Status: Married with Children (remember the episode where Al didn't want to have sex with Peg? that was my favorite.)
5. Age: 29 for last 9 years (blush)
6. Country: (Present Location) USA (in front of my computer)
7. Nationality: Belgian/French (I'm a Belch!)
8. Telephone: 212-839-3094
9. Fax number: (if any) Seriously?

Before I send the $50, is it possible for you to do me a favor? I know you've been approved by the FBI and EFCC, but I've never done business like this before. And since we both stand to make a lot of money, it would make me feel much better if you sent me a photo of yourself. I've attached my photo to this email, so you'll know who you are representing.

Please send me the photo and the address to where I should mail the $50.

Godspeed,
Scamtastic

PS - What about the attorney/client privilege in Nigeria? Let me know soon. I need to tell you something before it happens again.

(not really me)

Scam Reply 3:

From: Barr James Michael (barrjamesmichael@live.com)
Sent: Wed 7/02/08 2:28 AM

Dear Scamtastic,

Attached to this mail is the info you requested. The $50 application fee should be sent via MoneyGram or Western Union Money Transfer in the name of our cashier Mr. Emmanuel Essien.

NAME OF RECEIVER: EMMANUEL ESSIEN
ADDRESS: 70 PARK LANE, APAPA, LAGOS, NIGERIA 23401
TEXT QUESTION: IN GOD
TEXT ANSWER: WE TRUST

As soon as the money is received I will travel immediately to the High Court of the Federal Capital Territory, Abuja to obtain necessary documents on your behalf.

You are to forward to this honorable office via email the pickup information after you have made the payment.

NAME OF SENDER:
ADDRESS:
AMOUNT SENT:
MTCN#: (money transfer control number)

Thanks for your patronage; I am committed to rendering you the best of my professional service.

Yours in service,
Barrister James Michael
My Reply 4:

Mr. Michael,

I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to get back to you. Unfortunately, my grandmother recently past away. She kept telling us that her nurse was beating her, but she's losing it and the nursing home assured us that the bruises were due to her blood disorder. But two weeks ago she suffered a concussion after blow to her head and died. So it turns out that she was right the whole time. I'm sure she's up in Heaven screaming, "I told you so!" At least we know now that she was never actually suffering from Alzheimer's, which is good news cause that shit is hereditary.

Anyway, her death made me start thinking. Do I really need all this money? And after a lot of soul searching I realize I do. She died alone without anyone by her side. And I'm not going to let that happen to me. You've seen my picture. Calling me ugly would be a compliment. So I need every cent I can to make sure that I'm surrounded by a gaggle of hotties when I go. I've been watching the news lately and heard a lot of talk about Muslims having 72 virgins waiting for them in Heaven. Since I'm not Muslim, I've decided to use this money to get 72 virgins while I'm here on Earth. In fact, I even made that the first 72 things on my bucket list. The 73rd is to make peace with my estranged daughter.

The only bad news is that I'm having trouble getting you your $50. My grandmother's funeral wasn't cheap and I'm strapped for cash. I'm trying to borrow it from a friend of mine, but he thinks it's a scam. I told him about being pre-approved by the FBI and EFCC and even showed him your legal certificate, but he's still not budging. He said all that stuff could have been Photoshopped. I told him that you're from Nigeria and would have no idea what that is, and while he agreed with me, he still needs more proof. He said he would lend me all the money I need if you would send me a short video clip of yourself convincing him that you are a real lawyer. Make sure to say a bunch of lawyery-type stuff like "quid pro quo" and "I object!". I believe you, but he's the one with the money. I look forward to seeing your video, so we can finally complete this transaction.

Until next time,
Scamtastic

Obscured Business Suggestion

2008-07-15T12:09:00.006-04:00

Email Scam:

Date: Mon, 14 Jul 2008 20:50:44 +0100
From: ansi6968@sprintpcs.com
Subject: Reply Urgently

Greetings,

I am Mr. Raymond of Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an obscured business suggestion for you,value of Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only, in my branch. Please, reply to (raymond_67hk@yahoo.com.hk) ASAP for more details.

My Reply:

Mr. Raymond,

I am always interested in getting obscured business suggestions. And I don't even mind that it's only $24,500,000. I only hope that this is ASAP enough for you. Urgently awaiting more details.

Scamtastic

Car Crash Crazy Cash

2008-07-14T12:12:00.011-04:00

Email Scam:

From: johnfelixxxx@gmail.com
Subject: Request
Date: Thu, 10 Jul 2008 23:10:34 -0700

TOTAL CONFIDENCE

Barr. John felix.
Private Email:johnfelixxx@gmail.com
Tel.0034.691.884.524
Fax.0034.911.014.532

ATTN: Sir/Madam

We do not know each other, but you are one of the three persons I sent this email with hope to get a positive and sincere response, in order to go into a deal that would bring life fortune to both of us.

I am Barrister, John felix solicitor at law. I am the personal attorney to Engr. Morris Haddad nationality of your country, who was a Contractor and has spent most of his life in (Spain).

On the 19th of April 2006, my client, his wife and their only son were involved in a ghastly car accident along Pinto express road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to his embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but all efforts was unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to contact you and solicit for your assistance as a foreigner to execute the claim of this fund.

I have contacted you to assist in repatriating the assets and Capital valued at US$10.5million left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the BANK in, Madrid Spain where these huge deposits were lodged. The said Bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of Kin or have the account confiscated within the next twenty-one Official working days.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2 years now, I seek the consent to present you as the Next of kin to the deceased since no-one has come for the fund, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you. The request of a foreigner as the next of kin in this transaction is occasioned by the fact that my client was a foreigner and the money cannot be paid into a local bank here, so it will be better for you to stand as the next of kin to my client. Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please reply via e-mail at; johnfelixxx@gmail.com. Waiting to hear from you

Best regards,
BARR. JOHN FELIX

My Reply:

Mr. John Felix,

I'm sorry to hear about your client's ghastly car accident, especially since he was the nationality of my country. I appreciate you going out of your way to contact my embassy to try to find his relatives, since most of the barristers from your country (Spain) would just keep the money for themselves. I definitely prefer the money to be in the hands of an American, because we know how to spend it right...on guns, gas and pussy! However, I am curious how you chose my email address out of the hundreds on the Internet. If your answer pleases me I will give you my bank account information and social security number for the transaction, if not, there may be consequences. I look forward to your response.

Thank you.

Scamtastic

The opposite of bourgeois

2008-06-14T16:53:00.020-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: From Madam Mary Harley
Date: Thu, 29 May 2008 17:56:41 +0100
From: madam_mary@acornexpressservices.co.uk

From Madam Mary Harley
Here writes Mary Harley suffering from cancerous ailment.

When my late behalf was alive he left huge amount of money which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market. Presently, the investment portfolio is still on April this year. Recently, my doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from, so, I decided to contact you due to time limit.

Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen my family, and me I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husband's effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially.

It is often said that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do not want my husband hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on. The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husband relatives around me but I will give you telephone number of an attorney that will draft the letter of Introduction and all other legal documents as soon as I hear from you.

I want you to stand as the new beneficiary to the funds. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the firm where the funds are being deposited in Europe.

I will also send you a letter of introduction that will empower you as the new the custodian and beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein.

Please send all emails to my confidential emails below:
madam_mary@live.co.uk
madam_mary@yahoo.cn

And also let me know how soon you will be able to travel to Germany or United Kingdom. Endeavor to send me your names, address, telephone and fax number to enable contact you with more details/all the relevant documents by email/ fax.

My Reply:

Miss Madam Mary Harley,

I apologize that it's taken me so long to get back to you. You didn't say what your time limit was, but hopefully you're still alive. I know after my grandmother had a stroke she had trouble checking her many email addresses, but you seem in good spirits despite your horrific health issues. I myself am a barren-woman, so I would be happy to accept your husband's fortune. While I could try and use some of the money to help find a cure for whatever left me ruined inside, I'll probably just use it to buy myself a down-trodden, orphan baby. That way I'm killing a whole flock of birds with one stone.

My family is the opposite of bourgeois. In fact, my grandfather used to say, "Blessed is the hand that giveth the reach-around." Of course, he was arrested in a man's toilet for trying to give oral treats to an undercover policeman. However, he was later acquitted when it turned out that the officer didn't tell him he was cop, until after he had finished his business down Grandfather's throat. Luckily, Grandpa didn't swallow and spit the evidence in the prosecutor's face, while being cross-examined on the witness stand a week later.

That being said, you don't have to worry about the money being spent on anything ungodly. My late husband was even the Preacher at our church. Our congregation said he handled those poisonous snakes better than anyone they'd ever seen. But then the stupid hospital ended up injecting him with rattlesnake antivenin, when we clearly told them he was bitten by cobras.

Speaking of which, I know you said you're not afraid of death, but maybe you should be. My husband used to say that cancer is God's way of labeling sinners, so you might not want to count your prayers before they hatch. I can't even imagine the things you must've done to warrant a stroke. Either way, your husband's money will be in much better hands, once it's in my hands.

I don't like attorneys, since the one who helped us sue the hospital for malpractice ended up going to Bermuda with all of our winnings. Is there any way that you could empower my son to be a custodian? He could use a good job and likes to clean. I think he has OCD, because he's constantly asking me to clean his sheets. Every morning with the sheets!

While I think you are a nice lady, I don't know if people will want to emulate you, as most of them would prefer to not die of cancer. However, I do promise to act as you have stated herein and I will be prayerful.

I can fly to Germany as soon as you want, as I'm currently dating a pilot who flies for Lufthansa. He's always telling me how nice it is over there, but he also likes when I go number two on his chest, so who knows.

Please contact me with the forms that you need me to fill out, as I would really like your money. I can't stress this enough. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Gently yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

From: madam_mary@live.co.uk
Subject: Dear Scamtastic
Date: Sun, 1 Jun 2008 09:19:17 +0000

Dear Scamtastic

I received your mail. I quite appreciate your readiness, kindness and willingness to assist me accomplish my very last wishes in this world.

I have deliberated on it and agreed to commence with you 100% percent without any reservation.

I assure you that this transaction is risk free and it will not cause us any pains and problem if and only if you act strictly as instructed and let this transaction remain as secret as possible. Before we commence, I will want you to answer the following questions:

1. Will you be able to travel to Hamburg, Germany/London, UK to recieve his funds from the security company and when? Alternatively, can you handle this transaction online banking but you shall bear the related cost or bear the cost of courier.
2. Do you have any proposal to distribute this funds to the less priviledge? and
3. Are your ready and willing to foot your bills to Europe and other expenses as I have suffered this in the past by sending money for expenses and I will not hear from he/she again? And more so, I have exhausted all funds/ avenues to raise funds. I am at the point of death now, so do not let me down.

You have to understand due to the present situation I am now, I will not be able to foot any bill regarding this transaction. So, you shall be reimburse every expenses incured in due course of this transaction. Please answer the questions above so that I can commence this transaction on time. I will send to you all the relevant documents relating to this transaction and the contact details of SECURITY COMPANY.

I cannot use any of my business associates because all my past dealings are being scrutinized by secret agents in a bid to source out our estates and properties. So in the process of this exercise, anyone I’ve had dealings with in the past is being monitored too. I’m presently on a sick bed and the only means of communicating for now is via the internet, so I had to source for help the only way I could, I would rather take chances by involving a total stranger rather than risking it all by using any of my business associates who might be willing to help.

I am presently in India awaiting a magor surgical operation in few days time, so I beg of you to do everything in Godly way for time essence.

Please, you have to keep this transaction very confidential due to the composition of my husband family, I do not want any member of our family to jump on the funds to use it for immaterial things.

You can keep 15% to yourself and distributed the remaining balance of 5Million Pound Sterling to the less privelidge in good faith.

Endeavor to send/ reconfirm your full names, address and telephone number to my attorney and this will enable him refer you for immediate payment.
Here is my attorney contact details below:

CONTACT NAMES: WILLIAMS JADOME
Tel: 44 161 880 0415
Email: williamsjadome@hotmail.com

You are to contact my attorney with the requested information above and this will enable him prepare a letter of Introduction in your names and send you the certificate of Deposit by email before the major surgical operation. This is very important.

Feel free to ask Mr. Willams any question regarding this transaction.

I await your immediate response.

Regards
Madam Mary Harley.

My Reply 2:

Dear Miss Madame Mary Harley,

I am so glad that you are still alive! It's been a rough weekend for me. I have spent many a sleepless night wondering how I was going to spend all of your dead husband's money. I'm happy that you have chosen me 100% without any reservation, because I really wanted 100% of the money. I would also mention that in this country we don't write "% percent". It's redundant. % = equals percent. I guess it's possible you could have a weird stutter brought on by the stroke, but I think I squandered enough of your precious time on Earth with this already.

I really appreciate you wanting to keep this secret, as I owe money to many of my friends. Although, they’ll probably think something’s up when they see my new 24k gold ashtrays. I'll just tell them I won the money at church bingo. Have you ever played bingo at a snake handling church? You never know if people are jumping out of their seats for bingo or if they were just bit by a copperhead. It's so frustrating!

Unfortunately, since our last email I broke up with the pilot from Lufthansa. However, the good news is that we broke up because he caught me with a pilot from British Airways. So I will be able to fly into London as soon as I sleep with him three more times. He's got me on sort of a frequent fuckers program where I'm awarded miles based on my performance in bed. Blowjobs are 1,500 miles. Intercourse is 3,000. Anal is 5,000. And a handjob will get me an inflight meal.

I do want to give some of the money to Charity. She's my daughter and very less priveldge. She left home when was she was 15 and has been working the streets for the past few years to make ends meet. To be honest, we haven't had the best relationship. She claims that my boyfriend at the time was molesting her, but she can't prove it. I asked her to show me evidence and besides some minor swelling, she didn't have any. Everyone knows that you're raped, you save the semen! I know she's seen CSI, so it's partially her fault anyway.

As I've said, getting to London will not be a problem, but staying there could be an issue. The pilot I'm dating talked about setting up a system where I could trade my Mile High Miles ™ for nights in a hotel with one of his friends, but the paperwork hasn't gone through yet. So would it be possible for me to stay with you? I know it might be awkward with your family, business associates, and evil secret agents around, but as you can probably tell I'm a good at making people feel at ease. I won't let you down!

I am concerned that you went to India for a major medical surgical operation. In addition to being a snake handler, I'm also a part-time Christian Scientist. I believe that if God wants you to be better, he'll do it himself. Maybe you're just not praying hard enough? Although, don't pray too hard, because I really need that money. In fact, India sounds like a good place for you. I hear the mosquitos over there are friendly and love to give you happy kisses.

I know that you are worried about your husband family using the money for immaterial things. I promise you that I will only use it on material items that exist and that I can personally feel and touch. That is my solemn swear to you. You should know that I'm 1 for 2 in previously lying to people on their death bed, which is a great bating average, but horrible ERA.

I also promise that as far as you'll ever know, I'm only going to keep the 15% that you've mentioned. Everything will be done in Godly way for time essence.

My full names are Scamtastic. I live at 145 Maple Ave. Brooklyn, NY 11214. My phone number is 212-389-4483. Please call me after 11PM EST as I work late. I'm not sure what a certificate of deposit is, so please have your attorney let me know. I look forward to meeting both of you.

Gently yours,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 2:

From: williamsjadome@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Requirements
Date: Wed, 4 Jun 2008 06:28:49 +0000

Attention: Scamtastic

Thanks for your mail 2 Jun 2008.

I would want you to understand that the deposited consignment must first be cleared from the demurrage charges before you can authorise any kind of deduction or addition to the funds. And this will make bank tobank transfer/ courier of the funds to your door post possible.

I wonder why you can not come to Germany to conclude this transaction yourself. It will not take you more than two working days. 5Million Pound Sterling is no small money.

I will issue the letter of introduction and send you the Certificate of Deposit only on the ground that you are ready and willing to clear up the demurrage charges and meet up with all requirements. Once, a letter of introduction is issued, you will then be recognised as the new beneficiary to the deposit.

I will commence with issuance of the letter of Introduction and send the Certificate of Deposit which will make you the new beneficiary as soon as you let me know of your willingness to meetup with the requirements of the security
company like demurrage charges e.t.c.

For the other pending transactions of yours, you are to send me all the details of the transactions, so that I can commence at once.

I await your immediate reponse.

Yours faithfully
Barr. Williams Jadome.

My Reply 3:

Mr. Will Jadome,

To clarify, I never said that I couldn't come to Germany. I said that I was no longer dating the Lufthansa pilot. I'm still with the British Airways pilot. Him and his brother fingercuffed me last night, so I should have about 34,000 Mile High Miles ™ in my account, which should easily get me anywhere I want to go. And I have plenty of vacation saved up at Funbags, the Hooters knockoff where I work, so the two days off won't be a problem either.

As for the 5Million Pound Sterling, I'm not sure how I will get it on the plane as they only allow for 50 pounds per bag. Even if I check two bags I'd still be 4,999,900 pounds short. Also, I only weight 118 pounds, so carrying that much will be a problem. Do you have a hand cart that I could borrow? Let me know if you don't know what that is. I've heard that you call elevators lifts, shopping carts trolleys, and refer to your President as King.

Please send me the Certificate of Deposit and the letter of introduction as soon as possible. My brother-in-law is in a heap of trouble with the law and I need the money to bail him out of jail. He's only 17, but is being tried as an adult, so they put him in prison instead of juvie. I made him a promise that I would bail him out before he got raped too much. So please send me the paperwork before someone forces him to do something unspeakable with his full, pouty lips and tight, hairless bottom.

Let me know if you need any more details.

Gently,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 3:

From: williamsjadome@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Should I proceed with the legal documentation?
Date: Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:23:52 +0000

Attention: Scamtastic

Thanks for your mail dated 11th June 2008.

I suggest that you take to the option of online banking since third party will not be attended to by the finance company.

The demurrage charges is only 15,400.00EUR and I will send you payment instruction to at your request.

And also indicate your readiness and willingness to conclude this transaction, so I will send your all the relevant documents and contact details of the paying bank.

Should I proceed with the legal documentation?

I await your prompt response.

Yours faithfully
Barr. Williams Jadome.

My Reply 4:

Mr. Will Jadome,

I don't bank online as I don't want my money to get a computer virus. But I spoke with my brother-in-law last night and he told me that the other prisoners have nicknamed him Jizz Receptacle. I need to get him out of there before he know longer craves the pleasures of womanly flesh. I already told him that we would throw him a Boobie party at Funbags when he gets out. That's where all of the waitresses line up and he gets to run his face down the line while singing, "Boobie party! Boobie party! I love Funbags bobbie parties!" So please send me the payment instructions and legal documentation as soon as possible.

Gently,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 4:

From: williamsjadome@hotmail.com
Subject: Contact Mr. Jack by phone to ask any question
Date: Fri, 13 Jun 2008 06:42:12 +0000

Attention: Scamtastic

Thanks for your mail dated 11th June 2008.

I have this morning commenced work on the legal documentation/ paper work. I shall be send you the letter of reference as soon as you are ready to conclude this transaction.

Here is the contact details of the security company below:

Contact: Jack Moore
Tel: 49 1745356022
Company email: info@sfscompany.com
Personal email: jackmoor2003@yahoo.com

Contact Mr. Jack by phone to ask any question regarding this transaction. Specifically ask him of the exact amount of demurrage charges. You have to call Mr. Jack and get back to me.

I await your prompt response.

Yours faithfully
Barr Williams Jadome

My Reply 5:

Mr. Jack Moore,

Will Jadome told me to contact you and specifically ask for the exact amount of demurrage charges. I'm currently writing this from the computer in my local libary. Unfortunately, I am not able to call, because my phone was disconnected. In a previous email, Mr. Jadome had mentioned that it was 15.400EUR, so in order to save up money I decided not to pay a few bills. I guess my step-daughter Bethany will just have to avoid sugar this month, because it's either my Botox or her insulin injections and her diabetes ain't getting me bigger tips at Funbags. I just have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it once I get the 5Million Pound Sterling!

Please let me know what I need to do to conclude this transaction. Thank you!

Gently,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply 5:

From: Standard finance & Securities (info@sfscompany.com)
Sent: Wed 6/18/08 12:10 PM
Cc: jackmoor2003@yahoo.com

Attention: Scamtastic

I hereby acknowledge your mail dated 16/06/2008.

I would advice your to call me by phone so that we can discuss in details regarding the dmurrage charges and when you will be comimg Hamburg, Germany.

Here are the requirements:

1. Certificate of deposit
2. Letter of Introduction
3. Photograph Identity and
4. Demurrage charges of 15,400.00EUR.

I await your call at Tel: 49 1745356022.

Yours faithfully
Jack Moore

My Reply 6:

Mr. Jack Moore,

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I got back together with Gunter, the pilot from Lufthansa. Edwin, the British Airways pilot, was trying to charge me a yearly fee for my Mile High Miles ™. He claimed it was clearly written in fine print on my contract, but I signed it after he blew his first load in my face, which made it hard to read. Unfortunately, my miles wouldn't transfer, but Gunter was nice enough to book me a flight to Hamburg leaving next week.

The bad news is that somehow I have contracted a terrible case of throat herpes and my doctor has advised me not to talk for at least two weeks. Because of this, I would like to work out the details through email. I'm sure you understand.

I have all of the items below ready to go and traveler's checks for the 15,400.00EUR. Please let me know where we should meet next week in Hamburg. I arrive on June 25th and will be staying at the Holiday Inn. The address is listed below. I fly back out on June 29th and am hoping to do some sight-seeing and spend some of the money in your fine town before I go. Can you suggest any good places where I could wrap my mouth around some of your local wienerschnitzel?

HOLIDAY INN
BILLWERDER NEUER DEICH 14
HAMBURG, 20539
GERMANY

Gently yours,
Scamtastic

Long lost Cousin Keese

2008-06-14T15:40:00.004-04:00

Email Scam:

Date: Sun, 18 May 2008 22:07:47 +0200
From: zjs701@jaguar1.usouthal.edu
Subject: Ref: NL/776090X2/23 (Call to confirm Notification)
Ref: NL/776090X2/23
Batch: 013/06/8394369

We happily announce to you the Draw of the (ELECTRONIK LOTTERY) INTERNATIONAL EMAIL PROMOTION.Your Emailaddress was attached to these lucky winning numbers:03,18,21,24,36, 38 (bonusno.20)

You have therefore been approved for a lump sum payout of $1,500,000(OneMillion Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) payout in Us dollars,in cash credited to file XYL/26510460037/06.

To file for your claim please contact the Lottery Director, with Details Below:

Contact Person: Mr. Keese (my real last name)
Phone Number: 0031-614-797-465
Fax Number : 0031-847-360-271
Contact Email: clmdpt_(my real last name)@yahoo.com.hk

1.FULL NAMES OF BENEFICIARY:
2.RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS:
3.DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH:
4.PHONE/FAX NUMBERS:
5.NAME AND ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN:
6.SEX:
7.OCCUPATION:
8.MARITAL STATUS:
9.NATIONALITY:
10.Ref NUMBER/BATCH NUMBER:
11. AMOUNT WON:

NOTE:
1. You can come down in person to collect your funds here in the Netherlands.
2.Have wired bank to bank transfer.

The Validity period of the winnings is for 7 working days hence you are expected to make your claims immediately, any claim not made before this date will be returned to the MINISTERIO DE ECONOMIA Y HACIENDA.

The society lotteries are managed by Sisson Marketing InternationalLimited,certified by the Gambling Commission ELM Certification 180/3/2.©NetherlandsNational Lottery 2008.

Congratulations once again from all our staff for being a part of our Promotions program.

Dr Van Buren
www.lotto.nl

My Reply:

Keese,

It's so good to hear from you! We haven't spoken since the family reunion. I blame myself. I'm just so bad about keeping in touch with people. And after what happened I didn't know if you still wanted to hear from me anymore. But then I get this letter and WOW! I guess it's all water under the bridge! Are you sure that you won't get in trouble for nepotism?! I don't want you to go to some sort of International Internet prison or something.

The information you requested is below. Why didn't you just fill this out for me? Don't you have most of this info already? I guess I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.

1.FULL NAMES OF BENEFICIARY: Scamtastic
2.RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS: 67 Wincrest Ln, Montpelier, VT 05601
3.DATE AND PLACE OF BIRTH: My birthday, Hospital
4.PHONE/FAX NUMBERS: Phone, I don't have a FAX
5.NAME AND ADDRESS OF NEXT OF KIN: Just put yourself down.
6.SEX: Anal
7.OCCUPATION: Big Wall Street Banker
8.MARITAL STATUS: Recently engaged (shhh...it's a secret, we're eloping)
9.NATIONALITY: Italian/Jewish (Pizza bagel!)
10.Ref NUMBER/BATCH NUMBER: Twice daily. I don't assign them numbers
11. AMOUNT WON: 27 million (just kidding, only 1.5 million)

I'm actually going to be in the Netherlands next week. There's a marijuana/hooker convention that I'm guest lecturing at. We should get together. Maybe we can blow some of this new found money and have some fun. Like when we double-teamed your ex-wife at the reunion. She took our pair of dicks like a champ! That noise she made when we both bottomed out still haunts me though.

Anyway, say hi to Aunt Mary for me. Thanks again for the cash!

Your cousin,
Scamtastic

Scammer of '69

2008-06-14T15:26:00.003-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: CONTACT DELIVERY DEPARTMENT
Date: Wed, 14 May 2008 22:17:41 +0100
IDENTIFICATION NUMBER:XPEL/PKL/9876.

Dear winner,
How are you doing today? I am in receipt of your e-mail and I must say that you should count yourself extremely lucky to have emerged as one of our winners in this year's lucky dip sweepstakes. As you already know your email address was randomly selected along with others from over 125,600 website on the internet. Each email address was attached to a ticket number. Your email address was selected along with others as winners. A certificate of prize claims and some vital documents will be sent along side your winnings check. The documents to be sent are;

1..WINNING CERTIFICATE FROM UK LOTTERY SWEEPSTAKE PROMOTIONS.
2. WINNERS CHEQUE FOR THE VALUE OF ONE MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY THOUSAND POUNDS STERLING
3.CLEAR SOURCE OF FUNDS CERTIFICATE (C.S.F.C.),
4.CERTIFICATES OF ORIGIN OF FUND (C.O.F.).

Contact me with the contact information below for further instructions on how to send the consignment to your location. Please you should also send your full details to the courier firm with the below details via email to authenticate your lottery winnings. Below is the contact details of the delivery agent you are to forward your full details to them via email.

COURIER SERVICE: Frontier Courier Service
E-MAIL: frontiercourier14@yahoo.com
TEL:+44-703 194 6230
FAX:+44 702 205 5958

Have it in mind that your won prize cannot be deducted from; this is because the total amount has been insured to the real value. This is in accordance with section 13(1)(n) of the national gambling act as adopted in 1993 and amended on 3RD July 1996 by the constitutional assembly.

I will require a concise update on proceedings with the firm as soon as you are in contact with them. If you need any assistance whatsoever, please do not hesitate to let me know. And I do hope you will consider me for a little bonus after you have received your winnings.

Regards,
MR BRIAN H ADAMS

My Reply:

Dear Brian Adams,

First off, I'm doing fine. Secondly, I've only recently started using the Internet and have probably only been to a few hundred of the Internet's 125,600 website. In fact, I didn't even realize that website could be used as a singular or a plural like sheep or meese. Tertiary, you mentioned that "your won prize cannot be deducted from". Dedecuted from what? Do you routinely have people asking to reduce the amount of their winnings over in England? Even though we seem to speak the same language (apart you calling policemen bobbies) we definitely have different ideas on winning prizes. In fact, being an American, if you offered me more money, I'd probably take it. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. Quarterly, my life partner recently had a stroke and I'd like to think that she/he talked to the big man upstairs about letting me win this money. Quintupley, I just wanted to tell you how much I loved the "Summer of 69". I don't know if you can see it, but I just winked into my webcam, because I know what you meant when you wrote that song. Dirty bird! Although at my age, I don't think I could do that kind of thing anymore, do to my severe scoliosis. Luckily I can still wank myself off (that's British for a slapping the bald-headed cyclops, right?) Sexily, I will consider you for a "little bonus" after I receive my winnings. And no, I don't think it was too forward of you to ask. I like someone who's not scared to ask for what they want. And if you're good, you might get more than just a little bonus. And I know you know what I mean, because of the whole "69" thing that we spoke about earlier in the last few sentences. Sevenzees, send me the infotainment and I'll drop it it my malebox. (I winked at my webcam again.) I'm buying you a webcam with my winnings.

Peace and love and shit and kisses,
Scamtastic

I was right again, Donna!

2008-06-14T15:17:00.003-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: YOU HAVE WON £1,850,000
CONTACT {fiduciarybrian2007@hotmail.com}
Date: Sun, 11 May 2008 12:45:44 -0500
From: kristen.myford@my.monroeville.westernschool.edu

WINNING NOTIFICATION:
We happily announce to you the Online promo result of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY,online Sweepstakes International program held on 5th May 2008 in London, UNITED-KINGDOM. Your e-mail address attached to Serial number 5368/02,lucky number 6-10-11-19-22-46-40 won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e. match 5. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £1,850,000( One Million Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand POUNDS STERLING) in cash, credited to file ktu/9023118308/03. This is from a total ash prize of £18,745,605 Pounds, shared amongst the first thirteen (13) lucky winners in this category of all world wide email address in the Microsoft and commerce database used for the draw. To file for your claim, please contact our claims agent With the below details(HLP FORM); Official: Brian Adams ( Mr.)

Email:fiduciarybrian2007@hotmail.com
Tel:+44 70457 27840
+44 70457 27841

1.Full Name:
2.Full Address:
3.Marital Status:
4.Occupation:
5.Age:
6.Sex:
7.Nationality:
8.Country Of Residence:
9.Telephone Number:

Yours Truly,
KRISTEN MYFORD.
Co-ordinator(Online Promo Programme]

My Reply:

Mr. Brian Fiduciary,

Thanks for contacting me. I have known for a while that I was special and, if I waited long enough, would one day be rewarded for it. Well it looks like I was right again, Donna!

All those people who said I would never amount to anything back in high school, never thought that one day an Internet would be invented and that an International Lottery would be setup (that you don't even have to enter!) where the kind people of England (a country I have never visited!) would grant me a large sum of money just for having an email address (which I'm sure they also never thought would be invented!).

And just yesterday Donna told me to "Shut the fuck up." So as a funny joke I said, "I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard that." Well now I do, silly bitch!

I filled out the form below and included additional information so I could get the money quicker.

1.Full Name: Scamtastic
2.Full Address: 38 Lake Dr., New York, NY 10001
3.Marital Status: Unhappily married to Donna
4.Occupation: Stay at home Dad/Pimpzilla
5.Age: 42
6.Sex: Penis
7.Nationality: Finnish/Nigerian (I'm a Finger!)
8.Country Of Residence: United States of Awesome
9.Telephone Number: 212-389-2938
10. Social Security Number: 014-384-2893
11. Bank Account Number: Wamu 10329301-011
12. Mother's Maiden Name: Toweleen

Your pal on the Information Superhighway (honk, honk!).
Scamtastic

I regret to inform you...

2008-06-14T15:12:00.005-04:00

Email Scam:

Date: Thu, 8 May 2008 11:28:58 -0700
From: cvega47@racsa.co.cr
Subject: online Sweepstakes

The British International Lottery
P O BOX 1010
LIVERPOOL, L70 1N
UNITED KINGDOM
(Customer Services)
Ref No: UK/9420X2/68
Batch No: 074/05/ZY369

WINNING NOTIFICATION
We happily announce to you the draw (#2401) of the UK INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY,online Sweepstakes International program held on 7th May, 2008.

Your e-mail address attached to ticket number:56475600545 188 with Serial number 5368/06 drew the lucky numbers: 27-17-04-29-21-19 (bonus no.20), which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e match 5 plus bonus. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £500,000 (Five hundred thousand pounds sterling) in cash credited to file KTU/9023118308/03. To file for your claim, please contact our Fudiciary Agent with the information below:
Name:Mr Newton Brown
Email:boardtrust_claimsagent1@yahoo.co.uk
Tel:0044-702-402-1823

You are to provide the claims agent with the under
listed information as soon as possible:
1.FULL NAMES:..............................
2.DATE OF BIRTH:..........................
3.SEX:.....................................
4.MARITAL STATUS:......................
5.CONTACT ADDRESS:...................
6.COUNTRY:.................................
7.TELEPHONE NUMBER:................
8.OCCUPATION:.............................
9.AMOUNT WON:..........................

Congratulations once more.

Faithfully,
Mr. Carlos Alberto.
Zone Co-ordinator

My Reply:

Mr. Brown:

I regret to inform you that Scamtastic has died. As his attorney and family friend, I would like to claim his prize for his grieving children. I hope his untimely death does not make his win null and void as his son, Bobby, desperately needs an apendix transplant. His appendix spontaneously burst when he heard that his father died and he will die if we don't find a replacement soon. I'm sure this money will go a long way to helping us find a suitable donor. Bobby's vestigial tail will wag again if I have anything to do with it!!! Huzzah!

I've filled out the form below. If you need any further information, please don't hesitate to ask Scamtastic when you see him in hell.

1.FULL NAMES:.............................. Scamtastic
2.DATE OF BIRTH:.......................... 12/3/67
2A. DATE OF DEATH:...................... 5/6/08
3.SEX:..................................... Yes, please
4.MARITAL STATUS:...................... Til death did he part
5.CONTACT ADDRESS:................... scamtastic.blogspot.com
6.COUNTRY:.................................USA! USA! USA!
7.TELEPHONE NUMBER:................ 818-394-3090
8.OCCUPATION:............................. The ground
9.AMOUNT WON:.......................... £500,000 (Five hundred thousand pounds sterling)
9A. AM I FUCKING HIS WIFE?:........ Yes

Cordially,
Alton Sugar Esq.

(dictated, but not read)

Now I can get divorced!

2008-06-14T12:32:00.004-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: Ticket no: 56475600545 188
Date: Thu, 8 May 2008 02:36:03 -0600
From: cmiller@utep.edu

Dear Winner,
Winning Notification
This is to notify you that you have won £850,000.00 in our online email lottery in which e-mail addresses are picked randomly by computerised balloting, powered by the Internet. Your email address was amongst those chosen for this period.
Ticket no: 56475600545 188
Serial no: 5368/02
Winning number: 08.11.21.32.35.42. {47}
Draw (#1187)

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Lorraine M.Dodds

My Reply:

Dear Dr. Ms. Dodds,

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My husband and me had an argunment yesterday about buying this 62" TV on QVC. I'm sick and tired of buying one a week before the Super Bowl and then having to return it a week later! He says we can't afford it and that I have a shopping addiction, but who's laughing now DUMBASS! I just got off the phone with the lady and she said it will be here in a few days. Won't he be surprised we he sees it! Then I'll tell him about the divorce. I cant wait to see his face!!! In fact, I'm going to fuck that nice Mexico guy next door who's always looking at me. I guess Stan's right, they will eventually take our jobs! Hand jobs!!!

Also, what does that little £ mean? That's real money, right?

By the power of the Internet,
Scamtastic

Luckiest person on the planet.

2008-06-13T14:04:00.004-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: with due respect, response needed
From: grace ochiaka (grace_ochiaka2@hotmail.com)

Sent: Mon 7/10/06 4:22 AM

To: balltee@aol.com

I am Mrs. Grace Ochiaka. An administrative top management secretary with the Central bank of Nigeria. I am in alliance with the Deputy-Governor: Sir Tunde Lemo. To Move a chunk of money in ($15M) fifteen million united states dollars, out of the vault of the Cbn although legally.

The money was owned by a customer who had longed died and couldn't get traces of anyone to claim his money, despite desperate search for a next of kin.

The rules and ethics of our banking regulations demands that, after 4yrs of unclaimed funds (money) the money would be forfeited to the cbn and declared surplus.

Since I am the secretary to the Deputy Governor who is in charge of this unclaimed money, we are ready to effect the payment of the money to you as a foreigner who we would present as a next of kin or a business associate of the fellow.

This is risk free as all legal backings are present and would be detailed to you on when we are certian and you give us the certainty that we can have a friend and trust in you.

You would be handsomely rewarded with 30% of the total sum.

Needing your immediate response. You can call the Deputy Governor on:
+ 234 1 850 3684. Sir: Tunde Lemo: Email:

Regards,
Grace E. Ochiaka
grace_ochiaka2@hotmail.com
You can as well respond via:
graceochiaka@graceochiaka.com

My Reply:

Ms. Ochiaka:

Yes, I would be interested. Very interested!!! And believe it or not, this is the second time this has happened to me! The first time it was on $12 million, but I can't really complain when I'm emailing this from my yacht in the South Pacific. Oh my God, a dolphin just jumped out of the water and winked at me. I must be the luckiest person on the planet!

And the funny thing is that I never really liked the people of Nigeria before. I mean Ghana and Congo, those are countries! A noble people striving to make good. I can respect that. But Nigeria, no way! Up until you guys gave me the $12 mil I had a bumper sticker on my car that said, "I brake for everyone, except Nigerians." But you people really know a guy's soft spot. So yeah, I'll help you out with the $15 mil. Email me the paperwork and between martinis and the three Thai whores that I pay to service me, I'll get around to signing them.

Much love,
Scamtastic

Burning in hell...

2008-06-13T13:56:00.007-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: PERSONAL
From: Mr Ken Hada (haady_ken@hotmail.com)

Sent: Wed 7/05/06 12:18 PM

To: (Unknown)

DEAR TRUSTED FRIEND,

MY NAME IS HADA KEN, PERSONAL ASSISTANT TO LATE MR LARRY BALDRIDGEJR.I AM WRITTING IN RESPECT OF A FOREIGN CUSTOMER OF EURO CREDIT AND LOANS (MR. LARRY BALDRIDGE JR OF UNITED STATES OF AMERICA WHO PERISHED IN THE PLANE CRASH ON 2001[ON BOARD ALASKA AIRLINES FLIGHT 261.] WITH OTHER PASSENGERS.

SINCE THE DEMISE OF MR. LARRY BALDRIDGE JR, I PERSONALLY HAVE WATCHED WITH KEEN INTEREST TO SEE THE NEXT OF KIN BUT ALL HAS PROVED ABORTIVE AS NO ONE HAS COME TO CLAIM HIS FUNDS WHICH HAS BEEN WITH THIS BANK HERE FOR A VERY LONG TIME.ON THIS NOTE I DECIDED TO SEEK FOR WHOM HIS NAME SHALL BE USED AS THE NEXT OF KIN,AS NO ONE HAS COME UP TO PUT CLAIM AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THIS FUNDS AND THE BANKING ETHICS HERE DOES NOT ALLOW SUCH MONEY TO STAY MORE THAN FIVE YEARS,BECAUSE AFTER FOUR YEARS THE MONEY WILL BE CALLED BACK TO THE BANK TREASURY AS UNCLAIMED BILL.

I N VIEW OF THIS I GOT YOUR CONTACT OVER THE INTERNET I WAS CONVINCED IN MY MIND THAT YOUR NAME COULD BE USED AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THIS CLAIM. THE REQUEST OF A FOREIGNER AS A NEXT OF KIN IN THIS BUSINESS IS OCCASIONED BY THE FACT THAT THE CUSTOMER WAS A FOREIGNER AND A BRITISH CANNOT STAND AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO A FOREIGNER.

I AGREED THAT 30% OF THIS MONEY WILL BE FOR YOU AS A FOREIGN PARTNER IN RESPECT OF PROVIDING AN ACCOUNT WHILE 10% WILL TAKE OF ANY EXPENSES THAT MIGHT BE INCURED IN THE PROCEES OF SUCCEEDING THE TRANSFER AND THE REST WILL BE FOR ME AND MY INSIDER IN THE BANK.THEREAFTER I WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY FOR DISBURSEMENT I WILL NOT FAIL TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THIS BUSINESS IS HITCH FREE AND THAT YOU SHOULD NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FEAR AS THE WHOLE REQUIRED ARRANGEMENT AS BEEN PERFECTED FOR THE TRANSFER.

FURTHERMORE, AS HIS PERSONAL ASSISTANCE,I HAVE ACCESS TO SOME VITAL DOCUMENTS THAT WILL FACILITATE THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND.HOWEVER,MY PARTNER IN THE BANK WILL ALSO BE THERE TO FURNISH ME WITH OTHER VITAL INFORMATION.

HOPING TO HEAR FROM YOU.

BEST REGARDS,
MR HADA KEN

My Reply:

Mr. Ken

That's great! I'm so excited, because I could really use the money. This came at such a good time! You see, my brother has caught a bad case of the cancer and desperately needs an operation that I cannot afford. I knew Jesus would come through for me!!! You are a truly blessed individual. Whatever the opposite of burning in Hell is, I'm sure that's what you'll be doing in Heaven some day. Please let me know how I can get you the money that you need as fast as possible as the stupid pills I've just taken are about to wear off.

Yours in Christ,
Scamtastic

If you can't beat 'em...

2008-06-12T22:56:00.012-04:00

Email Scam:

Subject: Contact(claimsunit@uknlpromo.org)
Date: Thu, 5 Jun 2008 08:10:13 -0600
From: Lorie.Saubleotto@unco.edu

Ref: UK/9420X2/68
Batch: 074/05/ZY369
UK-LOTTO Headquarters:
The Marina Offices,
St Peters Yacht Basin,
Newcastle upon Tyne, NE6 1HX England

WINNING NOTIFICATION:
We happily announce to you the draw (#1199) of the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY,Online Sweepstakes Program held on 1st October, 2007 in NEWCASTLE, UNITED-KINGDOM. Your e-mail address attached to ticket no.: 56475600545 188 with Serial no. 5368/02 drew the lucky no.which subsequently won you the lottery in the 2nd category i.e match 6. You have therefore been approved to claim a total sum of £850,000.00 (Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand Pounds) in cash, credited to file ktu/9023118308/03. This is from a total cash prize of £ 3. 6 Million pounds, shared amongst the first Four (4) lucky winners in this category.

All participants for this online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web sites through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations, and corporate bodies that are listed online. This promotion takes place weekly. Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your play coupon. In view of this, your £850,000 (Eight hundred and fifty thousand pounds) will be released to you by any of our payment offices in Europe. Our European agent will immediately commence the process to facilitate the release of your funds as soon as you contact him. For security reasons, you are advised to keep your winning information confidential ill your claim is processed and your money remitted to you in whatever manner you deem fit to receive your prize. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program. Please be warned!! To file for your claim, contact our fiduciary agent:

Mr Robert Hache Tell:+447031934212 Email: claimsunit@uknlpromo.org
www.nationallottery.co.uk/player/p/results/results.do

Congratulations once again from all members and staff of this program. Thank you for being part of our promotional lottery programs.

Yours faithfully,
Lorraine Dodds
Online coordinator for UK NATIONAL LOTTERY Sweepstakes International
Copyright © 1994-2007 The UK National Lottery Inc.
All rights reserved. Terms of Service - Guidelines

My Reply:

Robert,

Let's be honest with each other. I know this is a scam. However, I'm not going to report you or anything. I'm actually interested in finding out how it's done, because I would like to do it myself. Think of me as a franchisee. You tell me how to perpetrate the scam and in exchange I will give you 10% of any and all monies that I make from it. You don't have to do any work besides sitting back and collecting the money. It's win-win!

If you are interested, please read my conditions below:

1. You will need to fly to New York so we can meet. I'm not interested in going into business with anyone who I haven't met and know I can trust. Your flight and hotel will NOT be paid for, but I can assure you that I am a go-getter and you'll make that money back tenfold in a few short weeks.
2. I need you to promise to keep this secret. My wife still thinks I am employed and she will leave me if she finds out that I am involved in this.
3. I will need your bank information to transmit the 10% of my earnings.

I've gotten a few of these scams already this week, so you should reply soon as I will begin narrowing down the applicants shortly. Thanks!

Sincerely,
Scamtastic

Scam Reply:

From: Robert Hache (mulv69@yahoo.com)
Sent: Thu 6/12/08 12:20 PM
Reply-to: roberthache16@googlemail.com

Dear Winner,
Congratulations once again from all the staff here. In order to verify your winnings, we need your particulars for record purposes, Attached here is a copy of our verifications form, please fill accordingly so as to proceed with your winnings. Once again congratulations from all the staff.

VERIFICATION AND FUNDS RELEASE FORM

1.FULL NAMES:__________________________________
2.ADDRESS:_____________________________________
____________________________________________
3.SEX:_______________
4.AGE:________
5.MARITAL STATUS:___________________
6.OCCUPATION:________________________
7.E-MAIL ADDRESS:_____________________________
8.TELEPHONE NUMBER:_____________________
9.LOTTO NUMBER:____03 11 12 41 46 47 20 {BONUS BALL}
B. DRAW NUMBER:__1293____________
10.TICKET NUMBER:___56475600545 188
11.SERIAL NUMBER:_____5368/02
12.BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF COMPANY/INDIVIDUAL___________
13.AMOUNT WON:___________________________
14. STATE:__________________________________
15. COUNTRY________________________________

Upon receipt of the duly requested data, I will send you the contact information of the payment office so you can proceed with effecting the release of your claim in anyway you deem fit.

Warm Regards,
Robert Hache (Mr)
+447031934212

My Reply 2:

Mr. Hache:

Thanks for replying with a ridiculous form letter. If this is your idea of how to scam people, then I'm not sure if I still want to go into business with you. In fact, I'm beginning to think that you didn't even read my proposal. Or is this just your twisted idea of a negotiating tactic? Let's dispense with the bullshit. You teach me the REAL scam, the one that actually works, and I will raise your profits to 12% of everything that I earn. Deal?

Also, when do you think you'll be able to fly into New York? Please call me at 206-350-6981 to discuss the details.

You should know that another scammer is flying in from Nigeria next week. His name is Ibrahim and he sounds very professional. He told me that I'd be able to earn about $15,400EUR a month with his scam. What does yours typically pay out? You're still in the running, but only by the skin of your teeth.

Let's do this thing,
Scamtastic