NOTE:

If I refer to anything from the email scam in my reply I've bolded it, so you don't have to read the entire scam to get the references. Also, to maintain my anonymity I've changed all of my real contact information in my replies to Scamtastic. Some of the emails are written as if I were a woman and some are written as if I were a man. For the record, I am neither.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Three's Company

Email Scam:

Date: Thu, 22 Jan 2009 17:14:52 +0530
From: fmrswaziri@yahoo.in
Subject: PLS CONTACT PASTOR FOR DRAFT

my dear friend From Paul Iwu Abacha.Son of the former Head State General Sunny Abacha.It's has been long I heard from you. Well, I just want to use this medium to thank you very much for your earlier assistance to help me in receiving the funds,without any positive out come.Iam obliged to inform you that I have succeeded in receiving the funds with the help of anew partner from Paraguay.Everythng was perfectly done because we strike a deal with one of the lady accountant who works with the federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) and she rendered atremendous help to us.My new partner initiated this idea and everything worked out successfully.In appreciation of your earlier assistance to me in receiving the Funds.I have decided to compensate you with the sum of in a Cashier's$850,000 cheque (Eight Hundred and Fifty Thousand United States Dollars).This is from my own share. I did this simply to show you that it is good to do goodthings to the right people always. Presently, I am in Paraguay forinvestment project with my own share under the advice of my partner.Meanwhile, I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those fund despite that it failed us some how. I will be sending you e-mail from time to time to know if you haver received your share or not.Now contact my Pastor in Nigeria Pastor Chris Okotie, his e-mail address is (pchrisokotie@yahoo.co.jp)Please do let me know immediately if you receive it so that we can share thejoy together after all the suffering at that time. In the moment,I am very busy here in Paraguay because of theinvestment projects,which the new partner and I are having at hand so fill free to get in touch with young Fednard to send the cheque to you without any delay.Nb: You will send only $135 dollars to Pastor to post out your draft to you.With My Best Regards,Paul Iwu Abacha.

My Reply:

Mr. Abacha,

I appreciate you using this medium to thank me for helping you not get your positive outcome. Your welcome.

I'm also happy to hear that you have a new partner. However, you should know that Wikipedia reports, "Paraguay is currently the world's largest exporter of Liars." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraguay) And why would the nice people at Wikipedia lie? Unless they're Paraguayian! Don't say I didn't warn you.

I'm relieved to know that you are working with a lady accountant and that everything was perfectly done. Contrary to popular belief, I believe women make the best number crunchers. Furthermore, if you catch them embezzling, you can usually blackmail them into having sex with you, which is atremendous help.

I also appreciate you teaching me a valuable lesson. I used to do bad things to the right people. And then someone gave me a cashier's check for $400,000 (Four Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) and convinced me to do bad things to the wrong people. But with your money and, dare I say, wisdom, I finally understand that the correct path is doing good things to the right people, always.

When should I expect the money? All of the wrong people that I did the bad things to are looking for me. I had to spend all of my money avoiding them, but I am hoping that your check will allow me to put this behind me. Maybe I'll come down to Paraguay to see you! They'll never find me there! We can live together doing investment projects and good things to the right people for the rest of our days! It will be like Three's Company. You'll be Chrissy, your partner can be Jack, and I'll be Janet (since I'm short and have dark hair). If your landlord doesn't approve, we'll just tell him that Jack is para-gay. Oh, the hilarious misunderstandings that will ensue!

I'm not really sure why you want me to contact your Pastor, Chris Okotie, in Nigeria or why you want me to share the joy of our previous suffering, but I'm sure all that will all be explained once we are lounging on one of the many Paraguayian beaches. Please ask young Fednard to be quick with the money. Tell him he can take the $135 out of my share. Hell, make it $150 for his trouble. He must have had a rough life with that name and an extra $15 is the least I can do.

Come and knock on my door,
Scamtastic
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